Wish List

My Wish List for Season Seven of Desperate Housewives

1) Concentrate on the Main Characters

I've said it before and I'll say it again: four main characters are more than enough. One of my biggest problems with this show in seasons 2, 4, 5 and 6 is that the time was spread too thin between Bree, Lynette, Gaby and Susan. I watch this show for the main four and everyone else should be there to support and elevate their plotlines. With the addition of Paul Young and his wife, I'm afraid this is going to be another season where too much time is relocated to other characters.

My greatest hope is that they'll use Williams much like they used Nicollette Sheridan in season 1; not as a main character, but as a character foil. I'm fine with her coming in to add some spice to the show, but that doesn't mean I want the show to become all about her.

Likelihood that I'll get my wish: 100 to 1. Have you seen the way they've been promoting the new season?

2) A Big Change for Bree's Character

I've spent more time disliking Bree than liking her in the past 2 seasons. She's become too hypocritical and too self-righteous. Even worse, her storylines have been downright laughable. Not only do they keep retconning things (that Rex has a secret son story was idiotic), but they're doing it for plots that are stupid and pointless. I can't think of one storyline Bree has had in recent history that has actually gone anywhere. I really want to care about Bree again. Please, show, let me care about her.

By the way, this does not mean she just needs a new man. Orson was not the problem.

Likelihood that I'll get my wish: 50 to 1. I think that by finally dissolving Bree and Orson's marriage, the writers have realized they've boxed Bree into a corner and need to do something to change it. That doesn't necessarily mean they'll succeed, particularly if Bree is mean to be Susan redux.

3) Mike Stops Being a Douche

It's hard enough to like Susan, but usually when she and Mike are together it's a little easier. Except when Mike acts like such an asshole that it's impossible for the viewer to understand what Susan sees in him. So please, make Mike somewhat likable again.

Likelihood that I'll get my wish: 10000 to 1. Their money problems weren't resolved last year and if MJ really is the victim of baby switching then I can totally see Mike acting like an ass about it. Especially if it turns out that MJ was switched with Evan Mayer.

4) Do Not Give Tom Another Mid-Life Crisis

Yes, DH writers, at times it is humorous that Tom is "whipped." However, I do not want to watch him whine and sulk and do stupid things because of it. It's become repetitive and dull and I don't care anymore.

Remember back in the first two seasons (before the horror that was season three) when Tom was just a little clueless, but fairly confident and definitely competent? Yeah, that's the Tom I would like back. Stop making him so wishy-washy about what he wants to do with his life and have him man up a little. Please.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 100 to 1. I'm afraid that Lynette will go back to her job, and Tom will be at home with the baby and depressed. But I'll hold out a little hope that they'll move past it quickly and give Tom a purpose again.

5) Gaby Becomes Likable Again

I don't know what they did last year to make Gaby so unlikable, but they need to correct that quickly. Yes, Gaby is shallow and greedy and selfish, and those things make her funny. However, there used to be something to balance that; there was more substance to her character. And, by the way, letting her have a brief moment of regret or sadness that explains away her obnoxious behavior only for her to be back to the exact same shenanigans the next episode does not make her likable.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 5 to 1. They seemed to be trying to get Gaby's character back to normal by the end of last season. Plus with the truth about her mother-in-law's death coming out, Gaby has the potential to be more interesting.

6) No More Segmented Episodes

Splitting the episode into four or five distinct stories has only had about a 50-50 success rate. Last season "Lovely" was hilarious; "If" was atrocious. But no matter if it works or not, that format has become stale and overdone. Please give the audience a break this season.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 10000 to 1. They've done 5 of these episodes in the past 2 years. I think they're addicted.

7) No More Arbitrary Deaths

Killing people off for shock value turns out to be not so shocking if you do it every year. Especially when you kill off characters like Karl. What was the point of that? What? Martha Huber's death was a surprise and it served a purpose. Norah's death was startling and served a purpose. If you have a reason for doing it, then go right ahead, show. But stop killing them off because you think it will up the ratings. It just pisses people off.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 50 to 1. I already heard they're planning a death for this season. I give them a 50-50 chance that it'll be for a legitimate reason.

8) More Group Scenes

This ensemble cast is fantastic in pairs--as that's how the plots are generally broken up--but they're also fabulous in a larger group. Not only do I want more scenes between the girls, but I want another awkward party with the majority of the neighborhood present. "The Game" and "Pretty Little Picture" are two of the funniest episodes of this show. I'd love to see something like that again this season.

Likelihood that I"ll Get My Wish: 2 to 1. I've read that they're trying to get back to their roots this season and this is one of the key things people have been asking for. I'm going to put my faith in them on this one.

9) No More Illegitimate Children

I do not want to see Carlos' long lost conjoined twins show up this season to cause havoc in his and Gaby's lives. Do not go there, show. You've already overdone it.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 2 to 1. Carlos is the only one left who hasn't had a mystery kid show up. Somehow I doubt that after his niece debacle last season that they'll try to add another kid to his and Gaby's life.

10) Do Not Retcon Lynette's Character

Vanessa Williams' character is connected to Lynette which of course means that there will be scoop on Lynette's past. I'm fine with this, show. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. But please do not screw it up be rewriting her entire history. Consistency is a sign of good writing, so prove that you can step up to the plate. Lately you've been hit or miss with this.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 5 to 1. They get lazy sometimes, but mostly they stay on top of things.

Bonus: Keep the Kids' Ages Consistent!!!

If you keep going the way you are, Juanita is going to be older than Penny. Who, by the way, should be 14 this year. Get with the program, writers.

Likelihood that I'll Get My Wish: 100000000 to 1. Do I even have to explain why?