*The focus of this entry is on Tom and Lynette in a positive way. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but please save any flaming on this pairing for another site. I'm just not in the mood. Thank you so much.
Spoiler Warning
I've been wading through spoilers because people have been leaving me ominous, vague reviews or emails that state that Tom and Lynette are going to break up before the end of the season. And while I'm glad that everyone knows what a huge fan of this pairing I am (and generally I really like to be forewarned, particularly of disasters), I hate how insubstantial these thoughts are. So of course I had to go investigate and see if I could find anything concrete.
And that meant going to the televisionwithoutpity forums.
*Sigh*
Don't get me wrong. I really like TWoP in general, but I can't stand to read about any shows I actually like on there. Everything is so negative, and for a show like Desperate Housewives, there's nothing but complaints, bitching, and an emphasis on how horrible the show is. I'm the type of person who reads something and it sticks with me for years, so I NEVER read the DH recaps on that site, and I rarely go into the forums. If I do, the negativity and complaints get in my brain and, as ridiculous as it sounds, I just can't let it go. Even years later, I will not be able to watch a scene without recalling what was written about it.
It's just like the time my cousin mocked (*MOULIN ROUGE SPOILER*) Christian's crying at the end of Moulin Rouge. Now I can't watch that scene without laughing. Yeah, I can't watch the death scene without cracking up. And that's one of my top five favorite movies ever. So you see my dilemma.
Anyway, I ventured into the forums and trekked through the many, many vehement comments that Tom and Lynette are a horrible couple and should break up and that Marc Cherry is lying when he says "America" loves them. Whatever. You can't make a statement that broad without someone disagreeing, but it's just as stupid to make the broad statement that "America" wants them to break up. I don't. No one I watch the show with does. I have talked to quite a few people online who don't. I'm sure there are people that would love to see Lynette dump Tom and run away somewhere and suddenly become this perfect, unflawed success, completely forgetting all of her kids and everything else in her life. And that's fine. Those people are entitled to their opinion. But I'm also entitled to mine, and I hate those broad generalizations.
So as I perused, trying not to read the really disdainful comments too carefully, I basically discovered squat. Supposedly a couple on the show is going to break up before the end of the season (so probably Gaby/Carlos or Tom/Lynette; I can't imagine they'll go there with Mike/Susan again [although the Paul/Susan pairing FASCINATES me!]). I really feel like based on where the show is right now, it could go either way, but I'm not sure which. I mean, Gaby and Carlos have already broken up once, so that feels repetitive. On the other hand, it is true that Marc Cherry has always stuck by his statement that Tom and Lynette just won't break up. I really think it could go either way.
(Also, there is some speculation that Renee and Tom MAY hook up? It all seemed to be based on flimsy evidence. And I feel like they've completely abandoned that whole storyline anyway, so why bring it back in the last hour of the season? It just doesn't make sense).
The other theory is that while Tom and Lynette are away in the B&B, they will realize they're both acting crazy, make up and go off into the sunset together.
Until next year of course.
I HATE both options (this ignores the Renee thing completely, because if they go there I'll probably stab my eyes out, so I refuse to contemplate it).
First of all, why are the Scavos the only couple on the show to ALWAYS get these quickie resolutions? If the writers are going to keep a couple together for all of these years, they really can take the time to actually have that couple delve into their issues and maybe at SOME POINT resolve some of them. They never do this with Tom and Lynette. Time and again, the couple faces some enormous conflict, and time and again, it's never resolved.
Case in point: the season 4 finale. After the cancer, the return of Rick, Kayla's turn to pure evil, and sending Kayla away, how did their storyline end? Tom gave a speech about marriage (which, granted, is one of my favorite speeches on the show), he and Lynette kissed and that was it. On to other, lamer plots.
There are a ton of examples of this: the miscarriage, Eddie kidnapping Lynette, Lynette not wanting to have the twins 2.0, the grocery store shooting, the original go-around with Rick, Tom's lies about Atlantic City, the stupid Renee "affair" from this year, Norah's death, Kayla (where she's gone or how she is), Lynette sabotaging Tom's job in season one, etc. All of these are either resolved with a simple kiss and make up, a fight that is never followed up on, or the plot is just completely dropped. Now, granted, this happens with other characters on this show too, but it seems to happen every single time Lynette and Tom have any conflict arc that lasts longer than an episode.
Basically what I think it boils down to is that the writers like to drag out the conflict over several episodes (case in point: this new job ridiculousness), but then everything needs to be resolved in five minutes or less. Why not take more time on the resolution? Why not let us see them actually work through some of their problems instead of brushing them under the rug? Then maybe we wouldn't have to watch them have the same argument for the 50,000 time.
Which brings me to my second point. While I don't want the Scavos to break up (aka: put us through a divorce that will inevitably end up with them back together anyway, *cough Gaby and Carlos cough*), I wouldn't hate if they were separated for awhile. Maybe they need to take some time apart to come back together. And no, that doesn't mean I want to endure terrible "dating" episodes (I hate Bree and Susan's single periods more than you can fathom), but it could lead to some new and interesting conflict. As long as the end game is still Tom/Lynette, I think I could live with it. I might even be able to someday admit that it was a good idea.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, hire some writers who actually see the potential in this couple. I refuse to believe that the fact that they're still a couple makes it impossible to give them a decent storyline. The writers seem to be stuck in a endless cycle of ridiculous one-up-man-ship over work, Tom bitching about his manhood, and Lynette being an emasculating bitch. These are not the characters I fell in love with.
I fell in love with Lynette because she was flawed and conflicted and smart and ballsy and so damn strong. I fell in love with a character who didn't manipulate her husband over every little thing; I fell in love with a character who could apologize; I fell in love with a character who was passionate and funny.
I fell in love with Tom because he was sweet and lovably clueless and completely in love with his wife and smart and a little goofy. I fell in love with a character who rarely whined; I fell in love with a character who had some kind of confidence; I fell in love with a character who compromised.
I fell in love with this couple because I liked seeing a marriage that reminded me of something real. A marriage that had flaws and pain and imperfections, but was also clearly founded on love and communication. I fell in love with this couple because Felicity Huffman and Doug Savant have fantastic chemistry, they're engaging actors and fun to watch.
I want that back. I want the writers to remember that you can't guarantee a laugh just because you use the word "emasculate" at least once an episode. I want the writers to realize that Tom and Lynette have so much more potential than what they give them. I want the writers to see that they've turned these characters into parodies of themselves.
Be a little creative.
For instance, in twenty minutes, I came up with these ten scenarios:
Ten Tom and Lynette Plotlines
1) Kayla returns
2) One of the kids gets sick and/or dies
3) Lynette decides to do something for herself (write a book or something)
4) Penny actually becomes a teenager and gets a personality (dealing with anything from her losing her virginity to partying too much to lying to joining a band...I don't care).
5) One of Lynette's exes comes back (in 7 years we've never met one). Maybe he's not such a nice guy?
6) Some kind of follow up with the Eddie storyline. Maybe his trial or he reaches out to Lynette from prison.
7) The introduction of a family member we haven't met (one of Tom's siblings?) or the return of Lynette's very briefly seen sisters.
8) The return of awkward couple interactions; maybe they befriend a couple with a secret and something goes awry.
9) Tom makes so much money from this job that he and Lynette are both able to retire. With the sudden luxury of time and fewer kids at home (technically Parker should be off to college after this season), they have to figure out what to do with themselves.
10) Some secret they share together from their early relationship is revealed. Together they have to decide what to do/how to handle it.
Honestly, my ideas may be total crap, but that isn't the point. The point is to prove that there are a multitude of other things that the show could be doing with this couple, but they don't because they're boxed in to one idea. If I could pay the show to never have another episode about Tom feeling emasculated, I would. Truly. But I'm not going to hold my breath.
I guess what this all boils down to is my frustration. My frustration with the repetitiveness. My frustration with lack of resolution. My frustration with the untapped potential of this couple. My frustration with where this storyline is going.
Sometimes I think that if the writers would just go back and re-watch season one...
C'est la vie.
So in the end, I never did discover what fate has in store for my favorite couple at the end of the season. I guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Ficlet Exercise
I was in the mood for something random tonight, so here we go. I did this once before for Charmed, and I thought I'd try it again tonight because it's kind of a fun challenge. The rules are:
1. Pick a character, pairing, fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the timeframe of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over.
4. Do ten of these and then post them.
Originally I snagged this from a NCIS fanfiction site. I chose to do it for Desperate Housewives because that's obviously my fandom of choice at the moment. So here are ten random ficlets inspired by my iPod.
I'm going to set up a poll on the journal. Whichever ficlet gets the most votes, I'll turn into an actual fic. I'll keep voting open for a week.
Thanks to anyone who participates!
I Was Made for You – She and Him
They run into each other accidentally at the grocery store. It’s been a couple of days since their first kiss, and they have another date planned for Saturday night, but the moment Bree sees Orson carefully shaking a cantaloupe, her heart flutters right up into her throat.
It feels like it’s been so long since she’s felt this way that it’s like she’s feeling that excitement for the first time all over again. Potential for love. She can’t remember the last time she felt that.
~*~
When Your Mind’s Made Up – Once Soundtrack
Tom shook her shoulder like they were both pretending that she wasn’t already awake. “Are you sure you don’t want to come today?” he asked quietly. She wasn’t able to tell if the hope in his voice was because he wanted her to change or mind or because he hoped she wouldn’t.
“No,” she mumbled. “I don’t feel well.”
That was true. It felt like a cold creeping up on her. Or maybe her period was about to start. Or allergies. Whatever it was, it made her not even want to move from this bed for the entire day.
She couldn’t remember the last time she spent an entire day in bed. She never did this.
“Well,” said Tom slowly, “okay. We’ll be back tonight.”
“Okay.”
He bent down and kissed her cheek. He'd just shaved; his chin was smooth where it rubbed against her skin, and for a second she shut her eyes.
~*~
I’ll Stand By You – Glee Cast
Until she moved to Wisteria Lane, Gaby never had any friends she cared enough about to cry over. Now, for the first time in her life, she has friends that can hurt her badly enough that she wants to fall to pieces sometimes. Friends who love her enough that their compassion moves her to tears. Friends whose own heartbreaks break her heart as well.
That’s how she feels right now—like her heart is breaking—and she has no idea how to make it better.
She and Lynette sit in silence, clasping hands so tightly that it feels unbreakable. At this moment, Gaby very desperately wants to believe that their bond is unbreakable, but she’s not sure that’s the truth.
~*~
Rhythm of Love – Plain White T’s
At the beginning, there’s something tentative about being together. The looks they give each other and the way her hand sometimes brushes against his and the soft smile that lights up her face—it all seems very ephemeral. Like at any moment it’s all going to dissolve and it will be like he dreamed her up.
Tom finds himself wondering that maybe if he’d just actually touch her with some kind of purpose, she might become more real. She might become something that could last.
He’s both eager and scared to death to test this theory.
~*~
Summer Skin – Death Cab for Cutie
One day when Andrew was ten, he wandered away from home.
Ran away, he knew his mother believed, but it wasn’t running. He just got lost in a moment.
Of course, then he didn’t want the moment to end.
Eventually he ended up in this little public park that he knew he mother would have hated. She would never take him there; her eyebrows would raise sky high just at the sight of the slightly rusted swings. But Andrew just walked over, sat down, and began to swing so high that he thought he might get lost in the sky.
~*~
Catch the Wind – Donovan
Carlos doesn’t just watch Gaby very often. It seems like such a contradiction—a former model, someone so beautiful; most people would assume that just staring at her could be enough—but the truth is that Gaby is almost impossible to just gaze at. She’s constant movement. A leaf caught in the wind. And that’s not the kind of thing a person thinks to sit and watch incessantly.
~*~
Spring Street – Vanessa Carlton
Lynette remembers that her mother wasn’t there to watch her move out. When she packed up every last possession she owned, ready to leave and never, ever come back, her mother left the house. And mostly she didn’t care, but there was this little part of her that hesitated, lingering a minute longer than necessary just in case…
But eventually she just had to hug her sisters goodbye, climb into her car, and drive away.
It felt like forever, but of course it wasn’t. Nothing is.
Now she is sitting here, watching her own daughter pack up her room as she gets ready to leave for college, and she can almost understand why her mother had to leave. Anticipating a goodbye is almost as painful as saying goodbye.
~*~
Stardust – Nat King Cole
Bree lies in her bed and wonders—maybe wishes—that it had been her instead of Rex.
She feels wicked thinking it. Such morbidity should be punished, and it feels evil to think that death might be preferable to life.
Or at least to this life.
But she moves past the feeling of guilt and actually considers it because it’s an obsessive thought. A world with Rex, but not with her. Such a place never existed. It never will exist.
But what if it did?
~*~
These Arms of Mine – Otis Redding
They all ache in different ways. Ache for love. Ache for acceptance. Ache to belong.
Tom looks at Lynette and thinks a chasm divides them right now, and he wants so much to cross it and take her in his arms.
Orson thinks that Bree is fading farther and farther away from him—or maybe he is fading farther away from her. Either way, it scares him.
~*~
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa – Vampire Weekend
When Carlos whispered in her ear that they should have sex on the beach, Gaby really thought that it was a good idea. The sneaked out of the hotel room late at night when it the world was lit only by a full moon and stars and went down to the cool sand. For a few minutes, it was utterly romantic. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore echoed the feeling in her mind like she was stumbling toward some inexpressible joy.
Reality set in all too fast, as it was apt to do.
Poll closes on 4/17/2011 at midnight. Please vote!
Poll closes on 4/17/2011 at midnight. Please vote!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
DH mini-recap: Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed
Season Seven, Episode Seventeen: "Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed"
Perhaps one of the most apt titles in awhile, but I'll get to that later.
"We can never know the moment our lives are about to change forever," says Mary Alice. This opening is composed of juxtaposed scenes between Paul, and Mike and Susan doing ordinary activities: eating dinner, drinking wine, relaxing on the couch, etc. Of course, these quiet moments are interrupted by two very different phone calls, both from the hospital. One is someone informing Susan that she has a donor, and the other is someone informing Paul that Beth has shot herself and is on life support (but brain dead). It's actually a really clever opening that shows the two drastically extreme results of Beth's suicide: Susan's pure ecstasy and Paul's dismay. Of course, the second Paul finds out that Beth is an organ donor, he orders them not to touch her until he gets there. Mary Alice sums up this news thusly: "Yes, there are moments that change our lives forever. But not always in the way we might expect."
Wee little credits.
This week's opening narration is about how the women of Wisteria Lane always look for any excuse to celebrate. Tom and Lynette pop champagne because she's not pregnant, Renee buys herself a new dress for her birthday, and Gaby gets Celia a cake for getting a C+ on her paper. And, of course, they're all at the hospital to celebrate Susan getting her kidney.
After congratulations, Susan informs the girls that she'll be getting her new kidney that night, and the first thing Renee wants to know is if Susan will still be at her party later that week. Mike says only if the party is in the intensive care unit (really? She'll need to go to the ICU to recover?; isn't this a routine procedure?), and Renee gives a huffy sigh. We find out that she and Gaby are throwing this party together, and Gabrielle is in charge of the guest list.
Suddenly interrupting this exposition, a hospital employee comes up to talk to Susan. At this point, the group finds out that Beth shot herself. Sad, guilty looks all around, particularly from Bree. Hospital employee tells Susan that Paul is with Beth now, and that it will probably take awhile longer until they can do the surgery. As he walks away, Bree sinks down into a seat to lament about how she just saw Beth "yesterday" and she should have known something was wrong. Appropriately (given the fact that we know Lynette was the last one to see Mary Alice and had similar guilt), Lynette is the one to remind Bree that she couldn't have predicted this. Of course, Bree completely leaves out the fact that she refused to let Beth donate the vital organ because she wanted to do it herself (despite how she never once brings that up in this episode, nor actually offers Susan her kidney when things go awry). But then, that's Bree.
Clearly shaken, Susan dismisses the group to go home, since nothing is going to happen that night.
The next morning, Bree is woken up by a telephone call from Mrs. McCluskey, asking her to come claim her property; "Little hint: it reeks of mai tais and you gave birth to it!" We see that Andrew is passed out on Karen's couch behind her. A little while later, Alex and Bree carry Andrew home as Karen continues to berate them for Andrew's behavior. Once inside the house, Andrew tries to excuse his behavior, explaining that he was just a little confused because all the houses look the same. Bree is indignant--this behavior is unacceptable--but Andrew is still drunk and clearly not in his right mind. She tries to remind Andrew that he's predisposed to alcoholism because of her, but he claims he has everything under control.
As Andrew passes out on the couch, Bree asks Alex how bad it's been (because apparently she has no contact with her son who lives right across the street). Alex says that it's been getting worse, going from drinking on the weekends only to drinking every night of the week. Bree thinks that Alex needs to talk to Andrew, but Alex has reached the end of his rope. He's sick of Andrew constantly promising that things will get better, and says that he's thinking of leaving him. To hell with for better or for worse.
Bree begs Alex not to leave Andrew. She wants the chance to help him, claiming that she can be resourceful when necessary: "I once smuggled vodka into church in a Jesus saves sports bottle." HAHA! Oh my. I wish we had seen that episode.
Over at Renee's, men arrive with things for her party, and then Gaby bursts in to ask if the party is still going on. Renee doesn't understand why it wouldn't, and Gaby reminds her that their neighbor just shot herself. "Gaby, it's not a party, it's an event," says Renee. "Would you cancel the Oscars? Christmas? No!" It should come as no surprise that Gaby is easily swayed by this logic, especially as she just bought a new dress. She and Renee agree that Beth would have wanted her to wear that new dress, and then Renee tells Gaby to go out and confirm the guest list. Tentatively, Gaby suggests that they have a champagne toast and moment of silence for Beth, and Renee agrees as long as they turn it into a mojito toast to themselves with plenty of music in the background.
Back at the hospital, Susan finds Paul sitting on a couch in the waiting area. Being Susan, she immediately launches into a speech about how thankful she is to Beth for giving her "this gift" and that she hopes it will be a small comfort to Paul that some part of Beth is living on inside of her. It sounds really trite, and I can't tell if it's intentional or not. On one hand, this is Susan, who tends to be completely absorbed in her own problems. On the other hand...Well, no. Maybe it is trite.
Paul sees no comfort in Susan's words. He reminds Susan that Beth is still alive, and that he's going to keep her that way as long as possible. "I'm not going to allow you to strip her for parts like some abandoned car," he says, even as Susan protests that this was Beth's idea. Paul says that Beth wasn't in her right mind, and that Susan doesn't even deserve her kidney. She wasn't kind to Beth; she didn't invite her over; she didn't try to be friends with her. Indignant, he says that Susan isn't getting anything from Beth, and then he rises and storms away. He's completely right, of course, and also projecting his own guilt over what happened. I love how many layers they've given this character, and Mark Moses plays them all brilliantly.
Commercials.
We return in the hospital where Mike is now throwing a tantrum. He demands to know how Paul can do this when Beth signed forms that legally entitle the Delfinos to her kidney. The hospital employee gently agrees that the documents would hold up in court, but also informs Mike that the hospital is not going to go into battle against a grieving husband. Of course, Mike is as self-absorbed as Susan, and he thinks that this is all about Paul having a vendetta against his family. Gee, Mike, as I recall, you were the one who kidnapped Paul and took him to the middle of nowhere to put a bullet in his brain. What would you call that?
Susan interrupts this self-righteous blathering to say that she doesn't want to fight Paul, even if it is her life on the line. She says that it's Paul's decision, not theirs, and that they have to remember that his wife shot herself. Obliviously (because Mike's level of compassion to the Youngs, including Mary Alice, is nil), Mike throws up his hands in frustration, but follows Susan out of the door.
Meanwhile, Bree and Andrew are dropping off food at a venue. Andrew is actually excited to be out of the house on this errand, asking Bree when she started to cater again, but she says it's nothing official. Andrew seems to accept this, but when he asks who the client is and Bree says they prefer to remain anonymous, his suspicion rises.
Inside, it becomes clear that Bree has tricked Andrew into coming to an AA meeting. She begs him to stay, saying it could save his life, and promises that he doesn't even have to tell anyone they're related. Before Andrew can agree--or flee--another man greets them, and Andrew introduces himself as Elvis. HAHA! "Just another reason for me to be mad at my mother," he says smugly. Awesome.
On Wisteria Lane, Tom, Carlos and a third man have just arrived home from a golf trip, and Lynette comes out to greet them. She is wearing an adorable little cardigan that I covet. The group makes some jokes about golfing, and then Carlos heads home. The third man, Glenn, asks if he can use the Scavos' bathroom before he heads home, and they all head inside.
Turns out that the bathroom was an excuse for Glenn to talk to Tom in private. He wants to poach him from Carlos to be the new CFO of his company. Lynette is thrilled, but Tom isn't too enthused. He doesn't want to leave Carlos in a lurch. Even as he officially passes, Glenn says that he isn't giving up so easily, and as he heads out, he asks Lynette to talk sense into Tom. "Talk...Beat...Whatever gets the job done," she quips.
Alone, Lynette hopes that Tom was playing Glenn to get the best offer possible, but Tom is adamant about not screwing over Carlos. And I've already written a fanfic on this, but this would have been an ideal occasion for Lynette to remind Tom that Carlos threw her under the bus last year without a second thought. Instead, she just points out that this is a great offer, a fact that Tom couldn't care less about (which, really, I'm okay with because it's definitely in character; Tom, more than any other character on this show, is about loyalty and the constant need to stay in people's good graces). Of course, somehow he fails to notice the "this isn't over, not by a long shot" look in Lynette's eyes.
Back at AA, "Elvis" is prompted to share his thoughts. He wants to pass, but Bree pushes the issue. Foolish woman. So Andrew launches into a speech about how his mother tries to control his life. "I think her greatest regret in life is that she gave birth to a son instead of a puppet. She's such a control freak. My sister and I used to call her Attila the Mom." HAHA! Oh Andrew and Danielle, I've missed you so. The group laughs, even as Bree squirms uncomfortably. Continuing, Andrew tells a story about how he planned to run for class president in high school, but Bree discouraged him without even listening to his speech. At this point, Bree is actively trying to excuse her behavior while not giving away that she's the one Andrew is talking about. "There is a difference between sharing and whining!" she shouts to the group, and at this point, the leader decides to call it quits. They stand up to pray, and as Bree and Andrew stare at one another, Andrew breaks away from the circle and leaves.
Commercials.
Gaby is confirming the invites when we return from the break. Strangely, all of the invitees seem to be the people who live on their street and Gaby approaches this task on a door-to-door basis. Okay then. They all have something snarky to say about the bad timing of this, and everyone declines to come.
"Well they can all go to hell," says Renee when Gaby informs her. She says that they're still having the party, refusing to even change the date because she always has her spring fling on the first Sunday of April. "My social life is not going to come to a stop just because some cuckoo bird decides to clean her ears with a hand gun." Even Gaby is awed by this level of unfeeling.
Susan is washing dishes when Mike comes in to tell her MJ is asleep. The small talk doesn't last long--Mike wants to talk about why Susan won't let him fight to get her the kidney (no mention of where they'd get the money to hire a lawyer, by the way). Susan points out all the things that Paul said: that it makes no sense that Beth would want to give Susan her kidney when she was never a friend. "I can't take her kidney knowing that maybe I am the reason she's lying in that hospital," says Susan, and Mike pulls her in for a hug.
Over at the Scavos', Lynette is taking a less direct approach with a tough subject than Mike did. Clad in a bathrobe, she emerges from the bathroom and dims the lights in the room, ignoring Tom's protests that he's reading. Silkily, she greets Tom like he's a passenger on a plane as she climbs up on the chest at the foot of their bed and strips off her robe, revealing a sexy bra and little boxer shorts underneath (which is just so Lynette that I love the costuming people at this moment). Tom's eyes go wide and he throws down his book. "Help me put my bag under the seat," he says, trying to play along, and Lynette shakes her head and tells him to let her do the talking. She steps onto the bed, asking Tom if he needs help with his seatbelt, and then she pulls back the covers to note that he's "already in the upright and locked position." HA! As Lynette sits down on Tom's lap, he eyes her greedily, asking the name of the airline so he can become a frequent flier. "Oh, this isn't a commercial airline, sir," she says flirting. "Hotshot executives like you only fly on the corporate jet."
Even as Lynette bends to kiss her husband, Tom's warning bells go off, and he reminds Lynette that he's not taking the job. Lynette goes from sexy flight attendant to annoyed wife in two seconds flat, wrapping her robe around her again and climbing off of Tom's lap. He makes the same protests--that he refuses to be disloyal--and Lynette agrees that's fine, but he has to at least try to leverage Carlos for a better offer. Tom agrees, and Lynette is suddenly in the mood again. She shimmies back on top of Tom and the two of them get down and dirty.
Of course, we just go to commercials.
Paul finds Felicia in a prison chapel, supposedly crying over the death of her daughter. They immediately get into an argument over whether to take Beth off of life support until Felicia says that they need to stop playing "this sick game." She points out that they both used Beth and they both hurt her, and now Beth is the latest victim of their twisted web. Paul wants to claim innocence, but Felicia reminds him that he refused to believe that Beth loved him. In this moment, Felicia confirms what Paul refused to believe--that Beth's love was real--but Paul still thinks there's hope she'll recover. Felicia says that they did this to Beth, and they need to let her go. Paul leaves.
Back on the Lane, Bree arrives at Andrew's to try to get him to come to another meeting. She approaches it with absolutely no bitterness or reproach, which is refreshing, but Andrew says that the agreement was for one meeting and "Elvis has left the building." He's still claiming he's fine, but Bree points out that "I don't have a problem" is one of the biggest cliches for alcoholics. Andrew says that he's not denying he has problems: no job; Alex works long hours; his whole day consists of endless stretches of nothing--just doing housework. "I dusted the other day. Actually dusted, and felt proud. How pathetic is that?" And so we've reached the realization, that Andrew has actually turned into Bree: married to a doctor who is ready to give up on his marriage and turning to alcohol and housework to get through his problems. The parallel is brilliant, and left understated, which I love. I also love the look on Bree's face as Andrew confesses all of this: like she realizes exactly what her son is going through, and she loves him all the more in the face of this hardship. Kudos to Marcia Cross and Shawn Pyfrom on this scene. God, I've missed these two; they have the best chemistry.
Anyway, Andrew says that he doesn't see why he shouldn't be allowed to drink at night to relax as long as he's not hurting anyone. He asks Bree to trust that he'll be okay, and, realizing that she can't force Andrew from his denial, she says that she hopes so. But as she leaves, she remembers that her disregard of Beth's sorrow led to her suicide, and she can't let the same happen to her son. Storming back into the house (where Andrew has already poured a drink), she reminds Andrew of this very fact, saying that she won't ever walk away when she knows something is wrong again, especially not from her own son. In that moment, Andrew finally breaks, confessing that Alex left him. Bree hugs him tightly, comforting her baby for the first time I can ever remember. "I guess he got sick of living with a drunk," sobs Andrew. Bree encourages him to go to another meeting, but Andrew says that he can't talk about this in front of a bunch of strangers. "Then we can have a meeting right here. Just the two of us," says Bree. They look at one another sadly.
Commercials.
Carlos and Tom are meeting about Tom's new job offer, and Tom's request for a raise. Immediately, Carlos says that the company is going through a rough patch and he can't give Tom any more money, but he will make him chief marketing officer and give him a car allowance and profit participation. You know, Lynette really is right about Carlos. He is a shrewd bastard. I mean, is chief marketing officer really better than vice president?
Back at home, Lynette finds this offer unacceptable. She points out that there is no profit participation because Carlos always takes any extra cash at the end of the year as a bonus. Dude. Carlos is hard core; I love it. It would have been hilarious to see him and Lynette go head-to-head on this one. Anyway, Lynette continues to berate this offer in her typical Lynette way until Tom snaps, "Why do you keep pushing like this?" Lynette: "Because if I don't, you go nowhere." Ah, there we have it. Lynette putting her foot in her mouth, as usual.
Things go from bad to worse as Lynette doesn't immediately take back what she said and Tom gets pissed off. "I think you are an amazing husband and father, but as a businessman..." she says. She thinks that Tom should take this opportunity while he has it because he's not getting any younger, but Tom is still insistent about not stabbing Carlos in the back. "You think Carlos would hesitate for a second if the roles were reversed? Not a chance. That's how he got where he is. He's ruthless," she points out, still not reminding Tom about how Carlos STABBED HER IN THE BACK just last year!! The show's inability to bring this up enrages me anew every time. He tossed her out on the street when she was pregnant and Tom was unemployed--that's how much he puts friendship ahead of business. Ugh. Whatever. Tom says that if Lynette doesn't drop this, he'll show her how he can be ruthless too. You know, Tom loves to make vague threats like that, but he never follows through and I really wonder if he ever could. I don't think he has it in him to intentionally hurt her like that.
That night, Gaby is taking out trash when she sees a hubbub down the street at Renee's and goes to investigate. Of course, this raises the question of why Tom was at work on a Sunday, but let's go with it. Inside, Gaby finds Renee, shocked that so many people showed up, but she quickly realizes that all of the guests are service people. Because apparently Renee doesn't know anyone but the residents of Wisteria Lane? I mean, was there really no one invited to this bash but their neighbors?
Regardless of my logic, Gaby wants to know why Renee didn't just postpone until the people she actually wanted to come could make it. Renee says that she refuses to pretend to be sad, but Gaby points out that Beth is dying. "She did it to herself!" snaps Renee. "Everyone has pain. But only a selfish bitch checks out and passes it on to everyone else. Beth didn't care who she hurt: her mother, her husband, her daughter..." Gaby gently reminds Renee that Beth didn't have a daughter, and Renee tries to play it off, but it's too late. Gabrielle now realizes why this is such a sensitive subject for Renee.
As tender as Gaby can possibly be, she asks Renee if her mother took her own life. Renee admits as much, and Gaby tries to broach the subject of her father's death to show Renee they can talk about this. Renee doesn't want to talk though. "I refuse to let it be what defines me," she says. "This spring fling may seem shallow and insensitive to you, but it's my way of saying I choose life over death." So did her mother kill herself in the spring too, or is this a special meaning for this year? I'm going to pretend it's the former because it makes more sense. Gaby says she'll join Renee at the party, and the two of them go to rejoin the guests.
Commercials.
Lynette is all dolled up to go look at a really hot red car that she wants to take for a test drive. The salesman asks if it's for her or her husband, but Lynette says it's for her neighbor. Warning! Warning! Back at home, she parks the car in the Solies' driveway and skedaddles home to wait for Tom.
When Tom gets home, he's outraged by the sexy car in Carlos' driveway. The car has made Tom see Carlos in a whole new light, and he's thinking about taking the job. Of course, Lynette only encourages this, so Tom grabs the phone, calls Glenn, and takes the job. As the Scavos celebrate, Lynette realizes the flaw in her plan: Tom now wants to go tell off Carlos.
Cut to Lynette chasing Tom down the street and gingerly confessing that the car isn't actually Carlos', she planted it there to make Tom take the job. Tom is outraged, but Lynette says that she had to show him that Carlos very well could have done the exact thing she's pretending he did. Oh Lynette. Tom doesn't want to hear it. He orders Lynette into the car and says that after they take it back, he's calling Glenn back. They get into the car, Lynette still extolling all of the perks of taking this job and, probably rightly, pointing out that she doesn't think Tom has even considered if he actually wants the job or not. "It would be better if you didn't talk right now," says Tom, and for once in her life, Lynette actually shuts up.
Then, as Tom starts the car, his eyes light up in excitement. Despite his obvious delight, Lynette remains quiet, letting Tom enjoy driving the car. After awhile, Tom casually asks when they have to return the car to the dealer, and Lynette says by four, but they could probably be a little late. "Yeah" agrees Tom. "Let's be a little late." And the Scavos zoom off in the hot red car.
And so Tom takes the job without us ever learning why Lynette is suddenly obsessed with material possessions and money to Gaby-esque proportions. So some speculation on where this is going; some spoilers ahead. The next few episodes seem to be focused very much on the Scavos' new, executive, jet-setting lifestyle, culminating in a very vague spoiler for the end of the season that someone observes that they're going through a "rough patch" (although I would argue that thing have been a little rough between them all season; I could write a whole comparison with season three, but I won't). Combined with that strange foreshadowing from "Flashback" when Tom said that money changes people (which at the time I thought was referring to further developments with Stella, but I now think has to do with this), I think that this new job doesn't bode well for the Scavos.
So how will it play out? Will Tom become a total douchebag now that he has money and power? Will Lynette regret pushing him into this job? Will they both become cold, rich snobs? Is this going to end with Tom having to choose between the money and his family? In a way, I'm interested to see how this plays out, if only because it could result in a fresher storyline for this couple. I'm getting tired of the only conflict between them being Lynette's control issues/Tom's insecurity about his manhood (which, by the way, comes and goes depending on how the writers need the storyline to play out that week). Reflecting back on this season, the depression storyline could have gone in a much more interesting direction (you know, by maybe even just once bringing the whole Eddie debacle into it); I wish they had just skipped the pointless "affair" story; and I really hope that at some point they will just make Penny a teenager so we can get some sort of interesting story out of her character. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm hoping that some new insight and drama will come out of this new storyline, and I don't mind that there could be dissent in their marriage, so long as it's smartly written and not completely inane.
Okay, so the last five minutes of this show. Paul shows up at Susan's apartment to talk about Beth. He says that he's decided to give Susan Beth's kidney, and that he's going to take her off of life support. Paul asks if Susan could forget some of the things he said to her before, but Susan thinks that Paul was right: she doesn't deserve this kidney. "Beth didn't love people because they deserved it," says Paul sadly. Susan is confused, and doesn't want to accept the kidney, but Paul insists that she fulfill Beth's last wish. Quietly, Susan agrees, and Paul thanks her. "Paul," says Susan as he stands to leave, "I am so very, very sorry about your wife." "Yes," says Paul, breaking down into tears. "I am too." Slowly, Susan pulls Paul in for a hug and he sobs.
"There comes a moment when our lives change forever," says Mary Alice tenderly. Cut back to Andrew and Bree, talking on his couch: "The moment we admit our weaknesses." Next we go to the Scavos', where Lynette kisses Tom goodbye as he heads off to work: "The moment we rise to a challenge." This is followed by Susan being wheeled away to surgery: "The moment we accept a sacrifice." And finally, we see Paul, crying and holding Beth's hand: "Or let a loved one go." The episode ends back in the prison chapel, where Felicia is still praying. A man enters to tell her she's been granted her request for "humanitarian release" (?? Does that exist??). Felicia acts contrite, but as soon as the man leave, an evil smile creeps up on her face. God, I hope she gets hers before the end of the season.
Well I would give this episode a solid A. I liked all of the storylines (although Gaby and Renee's felt a bit forced), especially Bree and Andrew's. As I said at the beginning, the title was very appropriate for this episode. All of these storylines were classics with a new twist: Andrew being an alcoholic paralleled Bree's own problem in season two; Paul and Susan struggled to deal with the "why" of a suicide much like they did in season one; and Tom and Lynette had a usual battle of wills about work, but with the reverse of her pushing him toward greatness instead of holding him back. I think it proved well that this show can put a new spin on familiar territory, and I hope that they can continue this trend.
Two whole weeks to the new one. I'm so tired of waiting for this show. Thank goodness that after this brief break it's all new to the end.
Of course, then there's a very long summer to get through. *Sigh*
Perhaps one of the most apt titles in awhile, but I'll get to that later.
"We can never know the moment our lives are about to change forever," says Mary Alice. This opening is composed of juxtaposed scenes between Paul, and Mike and Susan doing ordinary activities: eating dinner, drinking wine, relaxing on the couch, etc. Of course, these quiet moments are interrupted by two very different phone calls, both from the hospital. One is someone informing Susan that she has a donor, and the other is someone informing Paul that Beth has shot herself and is on life support (but brain dead). It's actually a really clever opening that shows the two drastically extreme results of Beth's suicide: Susan's pure ecstasy and Paul's dismay. Of course, the second Paul finds out that Beth is an organ donor, he orders them not to touch her until he gets there. Mary Alice sums up this news thusly: "Yes, there are moments that change our lives forever. But not always in the way we might expect."
Wee little credits.
This week's opening narration is about how the women of Wisteria Lane always look for any excuse to celebrate. Tom and Lynette pop champagne because she's not pregnant, Renee buys herself a new dress for her birthday, and Gaby gets Celia a cake for getting a C+ on her paper. And, of course, they're all at the hospital to celebrate Susan getting her kidney.
After congratulations, Susan informs the girls that she'll be getting her new kidney that night, and the first thing Renee wants to know is if Susan will still be at her party later that week. Mike says only if the party is in the intensive care unit (really? She'll need to go to the ICU to recover?; isn't this a routine procedure?), and Renee gives a huffy sigh. We find out that she and Gaby are throwing this party together, and Gabrielle is in charge of the guest list.
Suddenly interrupting this exposition, a hospital employee comes up to talk to Susan. At this point, the group finds out that Beth shot herself. Sad, guilty looks all around, particularly from Bree. Hospital employee tells Susan that Paul is with Beth now, and that it will probably take awhile longer until they can do the surgery. As he walks away, Bree sinks down into a seat to lament about how she just saw Beth "yesterday" and she should have known something was wrong. Appropriately (given the fact that we know Lynette was the last one to see Mary Alice and had similar guilt), Lynette is the one to remind Bree that she couldn't have predicted this. Of course, Bree completely leaves out the fact that she refused to let Beth donate the vital organ because she wanted to do it herself (despite how she never once brings that up in this episode, nor actually offers Susan her kidney when things go awry). But then, that's Bree.
Clearly shaken, Susan dismisses the group to go home, since nothing is going to happen that night.
The next morning, Bree is woken up by a telephone call from Mrs. McCluskey, asking her to come claim her property; "Little hint: it reeks of mai tais and you gave birth to it!" We see that Andrew is passed out on Karen's couch behind her. A little while later, Alex and Bree carry Andrew home as Karen continues to berate them for Andrew's behavior. Once inside the house, Andrew tries to excuse his behavior, explaining that he was just a little confused because all the houses look the same. Bree is indignant--this behavior is unacceptable--but Andrew is still drunk and clearly not in his right mind. She tries to remind Andrew that he's predisposed to alcoholism because of her, but he claims he has everything under control.
As Andrew passes out on the couch, Bree asks Alex how bad it's been (because apparently she has no contact with her son who lives right across the street). Alex says that it's been getting worse, going from drinking on the weekends only to drinking every night of the week. Bree thinks that Alex needs to talk to Andrew, but Alex has reached the end of his rope. He's sick of Andrew constantly promising that things will get better, and says that he's thinking of leaving him. To hell with for better or for worse.
Bree begs Alex not to leave Andrew. She wants the chance to help him, claiming that she can be resourceful when necessary: "I once smuggled vodka into church in a Jesus saves sports bottle." HAHA! Oh my. I wish we had seen that episode.
Over at Renee's, men arrive with things for her party, and then Gaby bursts in to ask if the party is still going on. Renee doesn't understand why it wouldn't, and Gaby reminds her that their neighbor just shot herself. "Gaby, it's not a party, it's an event," says Renee. "Would you cancel the Oscars? Christmas? No!" It should come as no surprise that Gaby is easily swayed by this logic, especially as she just bought a new dress. She and Renee agree that Beth would have wanted her to wear that new dress, and then Renee tells Gaby to go out and confirm the guest list. Tentatively, Gaby suggests that they have a champagne toast and moment of silence for Beth, and Renee agrees as long as they turn it into a mojito toast to themselves with plenty of music in the background.
Back at the hospital, Susan finds Paul sitting on a couch in the waiting area. Being Susan, she immediately launches into a speech about how thankful she is to Beth for giving her "this gift" and that she hopes it will be a small comfort to Paul that some part of Beth is living on inside of her. It sounds really trite, and I can't tell if it's intentional or not. On one hand, this is Susan, who tends to be completely absorbed in her own problems. On the other hand...Well, no. Maybe it is trite.
Paul sees no comfort in Susan's words. He reminds Susan that Beth is still alive, and that he's going to keep her that way as long as possible. "I'm not going to allow you to strip her for parts like some abandoned car," he says, even as Susan protests that this was Beth's idea. Paul says that Beth wasn't in her right mind, and that Susan doesn't even deserve her kidney. She wasn't kind to Beth; she didn't invite her over; she didn't try to be friends with her. Indignant, he says that Susan isn't getting anything from Beth, and then he rises and storms away. He's completely right, of course, and also projecting his own guilt over what happened. I love how many layers they've given this character, and Mark Moses plays them all brilliantly.
Commercials.
We return in the hospital where Mike is now throwing a tantrum. He demands to know how Paul can do this when Beth signed forms that legally entitle the Delfinos to her kidney. The hospital employee gently agrees that the documents would hold up in court, but also informs Mike that the hospital is not going to go into battle against a grieving husband. Of course, Mike is as self-absorbed as Susan, and he thinks that this is all about Paul having a vendetta against his family. Gee, Mike, as I recall, you were the one who kidnapped Paul and took him to the middle of nowhere to put a bullet in his brain. What would you call that?
Susan interrupts this self-righteous blathering to say that she doesn't want to fight Paul, even if it is her life on the line. She says that it's Paul's decision, not theirs, and that they have to remember that his wife shot herself. Obliviously (because Mike's level of compassion to the Youngs, including Mary Alice, is nil), Mike throws up his hands in frustration, but follows Susan out of the door.
Meanwhile, Bree and Andrew are dropping off food at a venue. Andrew is actually excited to be out of the house on this errand, asking Bree when she started to cater again, but she says it's nothing official. Andrew seems to accept this, but when he asks who the client is and Bree says they prefer to remain anonymous, his suspicion rises.
Inside, it becomes clear that Bree has tricked Andrew into coming to an AA meeting. She begs him to stay, saying it could save his life, and promises that he doesn't even have to tell anyone they're related. Before Andrew can agree--or flee--another man greets them, and Andrew introduces himself as Elvis. HAHA! "Just another reason for me to be mad at my mother," he says smugly. Awesome.
On Wisteria Lane, Tom, Carlos and a third man have just arrived home from a golf trip, and Lynette comes out to greet them. She is wearing an adorable little cardigan that I covet. The group makes some jokes about golfing, and then Carlos heads home. The third man, Glenn, asks if he can use the Scavos' bathroom before he heads home, and they all head inside.
Turns out that the bathroom was an excuse for Glenn to talk to Tom in private. He wants to poach him from Carlos to be the new CFO of his company. Lynette is thrilled, but Tom isn't too enthused. He doesn't want to leave Carlos in a lurch. Even as he officially passes, Glenn says that he isn't giving up so easily, and as he heads out, he asks Lynette to talk sense into Tom. "Talk...Beat...Whatever gets the job done," she quips.
Alone, Lynette hopes that Tom was playing Glenn to get the best offer possible, but Tom is adamant about not screwing over Carlos. And I've already written a fanfic on this, but this would have been an ideal occasion for Lynette to remind Tom that Carlos threw her under the bus last year without a second thought. Instead, she just points out that this is a great offer, a fact that Tom couldn't care less about (which, really, I'm okay with because it's definitely in character; Tom, more than any other character on this show, is about loyalty and the constant need to stay in people's good graces). Of course, somehow he fails to notice the "this isn't over, not by a long shot" look in Lynette's eyes.
Back at AA, "Elvis" is prompted to share his thoughts. He wants to pass, but Bree pushes the issue. Foolish woman. So Andrew launches into a speech about how his mother tries to control his life. "I think her greatest regret in life is that she gave birth to a son instead of a puppet. She's such a control freak. My sister and I used to call her Attila the Mom." HAHA! Oh Andrew and Danielle, I've missed you so. The group laughs, even as Bree squirms uncomfortably. Continuing, Andrew tells a story about how he planned to run for class president in high school, but Bree discouraged him without even listening to his speech. At this point, Bree is actively trying to excuse her behavior while not giving away that she's the one Andrew is talking about. "There is a difference between sharing and whining!" she shouts to the group, and at this point, the leader decides to call it quits. They stand up to pray, and as Bree and Andrew stare at one another, Andrew breaks away from the circle and leaves.
Commercials.
Gaby is confirming the invites when we return from the break. Strangely, all of the invitees seem to be the people who live on their street and Gaby approaches this task on a door-to-door basis. Okay then. They all have something snarky to say about the bad timing of this, and everyone declines to come.
"Well they can all go to hell," says Renee when Gaby informs her. She says that they're still having the party, refusing to even change the date because she always has her spring fling on the first Sunday of April. "My social life is not going to come to a stop just because some cuckoo bird decides to clean her ears with a hand gun." Even Gaby is awed by this level of unfeeling.
Susan is washing dishes when Mike comes in to tell her MJ is asleep. The small talk doesn't last long--Mike wants to talk about why Susan won't let him fight to get her the kidney (no mention of where they'd get the money to hire a lawyer, by the way). Susan points out all the things that Paul said: that it makes no sense that Beth would want to give Susan her kidney when she was never a friend. "I can't take her kidney knowing that maybe I am the reason she's lying in that hospital," says Susan, and Mike pulls her in for a hug.
Over at the Scavos', Lynette is taking a less direct approach with a tough subject than Mike did. Clad in a bathrobe, she emerges from the bathroom and dims the lights in the room, ignoring Tom's protests that he's reading. Silkily, she greets Tom like he's a passenger on a plane as she climbs up on the chest at the foot of their bed and strips off her robe, revealing a sexy bra and little boxer shorts underneath (which is just so Lynette that I love the costuming people at this moment). Tom's eyes go wide and he throws down his book. "Help me put my bag under the seat," he says, trying to play along, and Lynette shakes her head and tells him to let her do the talking. She steps onto the bed, asking Tom if he needs help with his seatbelt, and then she pulls back the covers to note that he's "already in the upright and locked position." HA! As Lynette sits down on Tom's lap, he eyes her greedily, asking the name of the airline so he can become a frequent flier. "Oh, this isn't a commercial airline, sir," she says flirting. "Hotshot executives like you only fly on the corporate jet."
Even as Lynette bends to kiss her husband, Tom's warning bells go off, and he reminds Lynette that he's not taking the job. Lynette goes from sexy flight attendant to annoyed wife in two seconds flat, wrapping her robe around her again and climbing off of Tom's lap. He makes the same protests--that he refuses to be disloyal--and Lynette agrees that's fine, but he has to at least try to leverage Carlos for a better offer. Tom agrees, and Lynette is suddenly in the mood again. She shimmies back on top of Tom and the two of them get down and dirty.
Of course, we just go to commercials.
Paul finds Felicia in a prison chapel, supposedly crying over the death of her daughter. They immediately get into an argument over whether to take Beth off of life support until Felicia says that they need to stop playing "this sick game." She points out that they both used Beth and they both hurt her, and now Beth is the latest victim of their twisted web. Paul wants to claim innocence, but Felicia reminds him that he refused to believe that Beth loved him. In this moment, Felicia confirms what Paul refused to believe--that Beth's love was real--but Paul still thinks there's hope she'll recover. Felicia says that they did this to Beth, and they need to let her go. Paul leaves.
Back on the Lane, Bree arrives at Andrew's to try to get him to come to another meeting. She approaches it with absolutely no bitterness or reproach, which is refreshing, but Andrew says that the agreement was for one meeting and "Elvis has left the building." He's still claiming he's fine, but Bree points out that "I don't have a problem" is one of the biggest cliches for alcoholics. Andrew says that he's not denying he has problems: no job; Alex works long hours; his whole day consists of endless stretches of nothing--just doing housework. "I dusted the other day. Actually dusted, and felt proud. How pathetic is that?" And so we've reached the realization, that Andrew has actually turned into Bree: married to a doctor who is ready to give up on his marriage and turning to alcohol and housework to get through his problems. The parallel is brilliant, and left understated, which I love. I also love the look on Bree's face as Andrew confesses all of this: like she realizes exactly what her son is going through, and she loves him all the more in the face of this hardship. Kudos to Marcia Cross and Shawn Pyfrom on this scene. God, I've missed these two; they have the best chemistry.
Anyway, Andrew says that he doesn't see why he shouldn't be allowed to drink at night to relax as long as he's not hurting anyone. He asks Bree to trust that he'll be okay, and, realizing that she can't force Andrew from his denial, she says that she hopes so. But as she leaves, she remembers that her disregard of Beth's sorrow led to her suicide, and she can't let the same happen to her son. Storming back into the house (where Andrew has already poured a drink), she reminds Andrew of this very fact, saying that she won't ever walk away when she knows something is wrong again, especially not from her own son. In that moment, Andrew finally breaks, confessing that Alex left him. Bree hugs him tightly, comforting her baby for the first time I can ever remember. "I guess he got sick of living with a drunk," sobs Andrew. Bree encourages him to go to another meeting, but Andrew says that he can't talk about this in front of a bunch of strangers. "Then we can have a meeting right here. Just the two of us," says Bree. They look at one another sadly.
Commercials.
Carlos and Tom are meeting about Tom's new job offer, and Tom's request for a raise. Immediately, Carlos says that the company is going through a rough patch and he can't give Tom any more money, but he will make him chief marketing officer and give him a car allowance and profit participation. You know, Lynette really is right about Carlos. He is a shrewd bastard. I mean, is chief marketing officer really better than vice president?
Back at home, Lynette finds this offer unacceptable. She points out that there is no profit participation because Carlos always takes any extra cash at the end of the year as a bonus. Dude. Carlos is hard core; I love it. It would have been hilarious to see him and Lynette go head-to-head on this one. Anyway, Lynette continues to berate this offer in her typical Lynette way until Tom snaps, "Why do you keep pushing like this?" Lynette: "Because if I don't, you go nowhere." Ah, there we have it. Lynette putting her foot in her mouth, as usual.
Things go from bad to worse as Lynette doesn't immediately take back what she said and Tom gets pissed off. "I think you are an amazing husband and father, but as a businessman..." she says. She thinks that Tom should take this opportunity while he has it because he's not getting any younger, but Tom is still insistent about not stabbing Carlos in the back. "You think Carlos would hesitate for a second if the roles were reversed? Not a chance. That's how he got where he is. He's ruthless," she points out, still not reminding Tom about how Carlos STABBED HER IN THE BACK just last year!! The show's inability to bring this up enrages me anew every time. He tossed her out on the street when she was pregnant and Tom was unemployed--that's how much he puts friendship ahead of business. Ugh. Whatever. Tom says that if Lynette doesn't drop this, he'll show her how he can be ruthless too. You know, Tom loves to make vague threats like that, but he never follows through and I really wonder if he ever could. I don't think he has it in him to intentionally hurt her like that.
That night, Gaby is taking out trash when she sees a hubbub down the street at Renee's and goes to investigate. Of course, this raises the question of why Tom was at work on a Sunday, but let's go with it. Inside, Gaby finds Renee, shocked that so many people showed up, but she quickly realizes that all of the guests are service people. Because apparently Renee doesn't know anyone but the residents of Wisteria Lane? I mean, was there really no one invited to this bash but their neighbors?
Regardless of my logic, Gaby wants to know why Renee didn't just postpone until the people she actually wanted to come could make it. Renee says that she refuses to pretend to be sad, but Gaby points out that Beth is dying. "She did it to herself!" snaps Renee. "Everyone has pain. But only a selfish bitch checks out and passes it on to everyone else. Beth didn't care who she hurt: her mother, her husband, her daughter..." Gaby gently reminds Renee that Beth didn't have a daughter, and Renee tries to play it off, but it's too late. Gabrielle now realizes why this is such a sensitive subject for Renee.
As tender as Gaby can possibly be, she asks Renee if her mother took her own life. Renee admits as much, and Gaby tries to broach the subject of her father's death to show Renee they can talk about this. Renee doesn't want to talk though. "I refuse to let it be what defines me," she says. "This spring fling may seem shallow and insensitive to you, but it's my way of saying I choose life over death." So did her mother kill herself in the spring too, or is this a special meaning for this year? I'm going to pretend it's the former because it makes more sense. Gaby says she'll join Renee at the party, and the two of them go to rejoin the guests.
Commercials.
Lynette is all dolled up to go look at a really hot red car that she wants to take for a test drive. The salesman asks if it's for her or her husband, but Lynette says it's for her neighbor. Warning! Warning! Back at home, she parks the car in the Solies' driveway and skedaddles home to wait for Tom.
When Tom gets home, he's outraged by the sexy car in Carlos' driveway. The car has made Tom see Carlos in a whole new light, and he's thinking about taking the job. Of course, Lynette only encourages this, so Tom grabs the phone, calls Glenn, and takes the job. As the Scavos celebrate, Lynette realizes the flaw in her plan: Tom now wants to go tell off Carlos.
Cut to Lynette chasing Tom down the street and gingerly confessing that the car isn't actually Carlos', she planted it there to make Tom take the job. Tom is outraged, but Lynette says that she had to show him that Carlos very well could have done the exact thing she's pretending he did. Oh Lynette. Tom doesn't want to hear it. He orders Lynette into the car and says that after they take it back, he's calling Glenn back. They get into the car, Lynette still extolling all of the perks of taking this job and, probably rightly, pointing out that she doesn't think Tom has even considered if he actually wants the job or not. "It would be better if you didn't talk right now," says Tom, and for once in her life, Lynette actually shuts up.
Then, as Tom starts the car, his eyes light up in excitement. Despite his obvious delight, Lynette remains quiet, letting Tom enjoy driving the car. After awhile, Tom casually asks when they have to return the car to the dealer, and Lynette says by four, but they could probably be a little late. "Yeah" agrees Tom. "Let's be a little late." And the Scavos zoom off in the hot red car.
And so Tom takes the job without us ever learning why Lynette is suddenly obsessed with material possessions and money to Gaby-esque proportions. So some speculation on where this is going; some spoilers ahead. The next few episodes seem to be focused very much on the Scavos' new, executive, jet-setting lifestyle, culminating in a very vague spoiler for the end of the season that someone observes that they're going through a "rough patch" (although I would argue that thing have been a little rough between them all season; I could write a whole comparison with season three, but I won't). Combined with that strange foreshadowing from "Flashback" when Tom said that money changes people (which at the time I thought was referring to further developments with Stella, but I now think has to do with this), I think that this new job doesn't bode well for the Scavos.
So how will it play out? Will Tom become a total douchebag now that he has money and power? Will Lynette regret pushing him into this job? Will they both become cold, rich snobs? Is this going to end with Tom having to choose between the money and his family? In a way, I'm interested to see how this plays out, if only because it could result in a fresher storyline for this couple. I'm getting tired of the only conflict between them being Lynette's control issues/Tom's insecurity about his manhood (which, by the way, comes and goes depending on how the writers need the storyline to play out that week). Reflecting back on this season, the depression storyline could have gone in a much more interesting direction (you know, by maybe even just once bringing the whole Eddie debacle into it); I wish they had just skipped the pointless "affair" story; and I really hope that at some point they will just make Penny a teenager so we can get some sort of interesting story out of her character. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm hoping that some new insight and drama will come out of this new storyline, and I don't mind that there could be dissent in their marriage, so long as it's smartly written and not completely inane.
Okay, so the last five minutes of this show. Paul shows up at Susan's apartment to talk about Beth. He says that he's decided to give Susan Beth's kidney, and that he's going to take her off of life support. Paul asks if Susan could forget some of the things he said to her before, but Susan thinks that Paul was right: she doesn't deserve this kidney. "Beth didn't love people because they deserved it," says Paul sadly. Susan is confused, and doesn't want to accept the kidney, but Paul insists that she fulfill Beth's last wish. Quietly, Susan agrees, and Paul thanks her. "Paul," says Susan as he stands to leave, "I am so very, very sorry about your wife." "Yes," says Paul, breaking down into tears. "I am too." Slowly, Susan pulls Paul in for a hug and he sobs.
"There comes a moment when our lives change forever," says Mary Alice tenderly. Cut back to Andrew and Bree, talking on his couch: "The moment we admit our weaknesses." Next we go to the Scavos', where Lynette kisses Tom goodbye as he heads off to work: "The moment we rise to a challenge." This is followed by Susan being wheeled away to surgery: "The moment we accept a sacrifice." And finally, we see Paul, crying and holding Beth's hand: "Or let a loved one go." The episode ends back in the prison chapel, where Felicia is still praying. A man enters to tell her she's been granted her request for "humanitarian release" (?? Does that exist??). Felicia acts contrite, but as soon as the man leave, an evil smile creeps up on her face. God, I hope she gets hers before the end of the season.
Well I would give this episode a solid A. I liked all of the storylines (although Gaby and Renee's felt a bit forced), especially Bree and Andrew's. As I said at the beginning, the title was very appropriate for this episode. All of these storylines were classics with a new twist: Andrew being an alcoholic paralleled Bree's own problem in season two; Paul and Susan struggled to deal with the "why" of a suicide much like they did in season one; and Tom and Lynette had a usual battle of wills about work, but with the reverse of her pushing him toward greatness instead of holding him back. I think it proved well that this show can put a new spin on familiar territory, and I hope that they can continue this trend.
Two whole weeks to the new one. I'm so tired of waiting for this show. Thank goodness that after this brief break it's all new to the end.
Of course, then there's a very long summer to get through. *Sigh*
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Fixing Season Three
I was writing a fic on the Tom/Lynette/Rick season 3 triangle yesterday (which I generally don't spend a lot of time thinking about because I hated that storyline), and because of that I started to over-think it in that obsessive way I have. Why did I hate it so much? The obvious answer is because I'm such a die hard Tom/Lynette fan, but the more I think about it, the more I think it was a lot more than that. I'm sharing my crazy thought process here, like always, because writing really helps me organize my thoughts.
So here are some things that I think could have improved the storyline (for me):
Some Kind of Resolution
The number one thing I hated about season three was that nothing was ever resolved. Lynette was so unhappy with the Norah situation and feeling like Tom betrayed her, but they never actually talked about it. The shooting at the grocery store and all the many issues that it brought up: never discussed (don't even get me started on that arbitrary, pointless child molester plot). Kayla is kind of crazy and obviously has some serious issues with what happened to her mom, but eh...that's not that important. The whole Rick thing? Oh, Lynette gets cancer and it's all swept under the rug, but wait! Let's randomly bring it back in season four but STILL not have anything get resolved! If there had just been some kind of conversation between Tom and Lynette--something to actually show that they worked through any of these problems--I think that I wouldn't have disliked this storyline so much.
The Timing
I think one of the things that bothers me most about the plot was the timing of it. Truly, all through season three, Tom and Lynette had marital problems, but I feel like there was this lull in the middle where it wasn't quite as bad. This plot was directly preceded by "My Husband, The Pig" and "Dress Big," which, to me, seemed like two truly startling episodes of realization for Lynette. Honestly, I find it hard to follow the jump of logic from Lynette completely breaking down because she thought her husband might be dead to suddenly falling for some random guy she's only known six weeks. It felt like one minute she had a revelation about moving past all the crap she and Tom had been going through, and the next everything was so awful that she couldn't deal with it. I would have liked to see the Rick plot earlier in the season, I think--probably right after the grocery store shooting.
Which brings me to...
The Situation
So, if this storyline would have been right after the grocery store shooting, I would have also liked to see the setup for it changed. Lynette, obviously in need of some counseling after the shooting, but refusing, sinks further into some guilt-ridden depression over what happened to Norah. Coupled with Kayla moving in, it becomes something she has a hard time handling. Between her natural tendency to not talk about her problems, and Tom being so involved in opening the restaurant, it only serves to drive more of a wedge between them.
Then, instead of having Rick be employed at the restaurant, he could actually be a new employee at the ad agency (where Lynette still works at this point in the season). The same type of escapist plot could be utilized here, only with late work nights instead of romantic dinners. Both Tom and Lynette feel the distance getting worse between them, but don't know how to fix it.
The climax: Something drastic happens with Kayla (she runs away or is hit by a car or something extreme), that brings Tom and Lynette back together, and finally makes Lynette talk about all the anger and guilt she feels (both toward Tom and herself) over everything that's happened. In addition to the air being cleared here, Lynette and Kayla also finally have some kind of conversation that reveals how completely screwed up Kayla is (confused about her mother's death/her relationship with Lynette). With everything out in the open, Tom and Lynette finally try to work on their problems, but it's made difficult because they're dealing with Kayla and Lynette is also still working with Rick. Finally, Lynette realizes that she has to choose between her emotional affair with Rick and really putting everything she has into her marriage, and she ends up deciding to quit her job.
Just as she makes a choice, she collapses and Rick is the one to take her to the hospital. There, Tom finally learns about Rick and they have a confrontation. Tom feels upset and betrayed (even after Rick tells him that Lynette chose Tom in the end), but when he finds out that Lynette has cancer, he has to choose between staying or going as well. Of course, he chooses to stay by her side.
This goes into season four, dealing with Lynette being sick and trying to get their marriage back to normal.
For me, this serves the twofold purpose of actually addressing some of the many, many, MANY issues of season three that the actual show just swept under the rug, and humanizing Kayla. One thing that really bothered me was that she was so demonized. I always wanted to see her have a redemption arc, and it never happened.
So there you have it. My own twisted little version of this.
Now if I could only rework the other parts of season 3 that didn't work for me...(*cough* Edie goes to Susan-levels of craziness to keep a man *cough*).
So here are some things that I think could have improved the storyline (for me):
Some Kind of Resolution
The number one thing I hated about season three was that nothing was ever resolved. Lynette was so unhappy with the Norah situation and feeling like Tom betrayed her, but they never actually talked about it. The shooting at the grocery store and all the many issues that it brought up: never discussed (don't even get me started on that arbitrary, pointless child molester plot). Kayla is kind of crazy and obviously has some serious issues with what happened to her mom, but eh...that's not that important. The whole Rick thing? Oh, Lynette gets cancer and it's all swept under the rug, but wait! Let's randomly bring it back in season four but STILL not have anything get resolved! If there had just been some kind of conversation between Tom and Lynette--something to actually show that they worked through any of these problems--I think that I wouldn't have disliked this storyline so much.
The Timing
I think one of the things that bothers me most about the plot was the timing of it. Truly, all through season three, Tom and Lynette had marital problems, but I feel like there was this lull in the middle where it wasn't quite as bad. This plot was directly preceded by "My Husband, The Pig" and "Dress Big," which, to me, seemed like two truly startling episodes of realization for Lynette. Honestly, I find it hard to follow the jump of logic from Lynette completely breaking down because she thought her husband might be dead to suddenly falling for some random guy she's only known six weeks. It felt like one minute she had a revelation about moving past all the crap she and Tom had been going through, and the next everything was so awful that she couldn't deal with it. I would have liked to see the Rick plot earlier in the season, I think--probably right after the grocery store shooting.
Which brings me to...
The Situation
So, if this storyline would have been right after the grocery store shooting, I would have also liked to see the setup for it changed. Lynette, obviously in need of some counseling after the shooting, but refusing, sinks further into some guilt-ridden depression over what happened to Norah. Coupled with Kayla moving in, it becomes something she has a hard time handling. Between her natural tendency to not talk about her problems, and Tom being so involved in opening the restaurant, it only serves to drive more of a wedge between them.
Then, instead of having Rick be employed at the restaurant, he could actually be a new employee at the ad agency (where Lynette still works at this point in the season). The same type of escapist plot could be utilized here, only with late work nights instead of romantic dinners. Both Tom and Lynette feel the distance getting worse between them, but don't know how to fix it.
The climax: Something drastic happens with Kayla (she runs away or is hit by a car or something extreme), that brings Tom and Lynette back together, and finally makes Lynette talk about all the anger and guilt she feels (both toward Tom and herself) over everything that's happened. In addition to the air being cleared here, Lynette and Kayla also finally have some kind of conversation that reveals how completely screwed up Kayla is (confused about her mother's death/her relationship with Lynette). With everything out in the open, Tom and Lynette finally try to work on their problems, but it's made difficult because they're dealing with Kayla and Lynette is also still working with Rick. Finally, Lynette realizes that she has to choose between her emotional affair with Rick and really putting everything she has into her marriage, and she ends up deciding to quit her job.
Just as she makes a choice, she collapses and Rick is the one to take her to the hospital. There, Tom finally learns about Rick and they have a confrontation. Tom feels upset and betrayed (even after Rick tells him that Lynette chose Tom in the end), but when he finds out that Lynette has cancer, he has to choose between staying or going as well. Of course, he chooses to stay by her side.
This goes into season four, dealing with Lynette being sick and trying to get their marriage back to normal.
For me, this serves the twofold purpose of actually addressing some of the many, many, MANY issues of season three that the actual show just swept under the rug, and humanizing Kayla. One thing that really bothered me was that she was so demonized. I always wanted to see her have a redemption arc, and it never happened.
So there you have it. My own twisted little version of this.
Now if I could only rework the other parts of season 3 that didn't work for me...(*cough* Edie goes to Susan-levels of craziness to keep a man *cough*).
Friday, March 4, 2011
Fic Request Round 2
We're coming up on another hiatus, and I've hit a wall with some of my fics, so I think I'm going to do another request round. It probably won't be a fic per day like December, but I'm going to try to stay close to that. So if you have a request please let me know in the comments.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Desperate Housewives Timeline Part 2
Welcome to part two of my timeline. The focus this time is pre-series: birthdays and anniversaries. Most of the actual days are arbitrary, but the years have specificity.
The Van de Kamps
Rex: June 10, 1962
Bree: May 7, 1962
Reasoning: It was stated that Bree and Rex met in college. I always presumed that they were in the same year, but I don't know if that was ever explicitly confirmed or denied. Initially, I picked 1962 as the birth year because that was the year Marcia Cross was born. In Rex's case, I feel like this was supported by the show when they had Bree pull out Rex's yearbook from 1980 last season to show Sam.
Married: June 28, 1986
In the season one episode "Suspicious Minds," it is stated that Bree and Rex have been married 18 years. By the 2004 year stamp, that would make their wedding sometime in 1986.
Andrew: November 3, 1988
Danielle: September 26, 1990
During "Ah, But Underneath" we're told that Andrew is sixteen, and that episode (arguably) takes place in October 2004. By putting Andrew's birthday in November, I set it up so he would turn 17 in 2004. At the end of season (in "There Will Be Trumpets"), we're told that Andrew is going to be expelled "two months from graduation." Presumably, Andrew could have started school at 4 and turned 5 in November, setting him up to graduate at age 17. By the same token, I felt like it was never made clear if Andrew DID graduate from high school in 2005. If his graduation was actually the following year (2006), he would have been 18. Either way this makes sense.
In the same episode ("Ah, But Underneath"), it's stated that Danielle is 15, but obviously that doesn't match up with the birth year I gave her (by my timeline she would have been 14 in 2004). It's my belief (which I will argue at some other time) that season two spanned a year and a half of time. By this count, Danielle would have turned 14 right before season one, 15 and then 16 (her missed birthday in the season two episode "No One Is Alone") in season two, 17 in season three, and finally 18 in season four. The reason I set it in September was because in season four Danielle mentions that her 18th birthday was soon before Benjamin was born (which we know was on Halloween). Since I believe season two was elongated, I changed the birth year from '89 to '90 so the 18th birthday stamp would still make sense. It also gives a little more wiggle room between her and Andrew's births.
The Mayers/Delfinos
Karl: August 13, 1964
Susan: April 19, 1967
Mike: March 2, 1963
Karl and Mike are completely arbitrary. I assumed they were both older than Susan, who, more than any other character, has had her age constantly reassessed. In "Coming Home" (season two, 2005) she says she's 38. I went by this initial reference to her age, making her birth year 1967. There are several references that contradict this, but since Susan's age has yo-yo-ed so much, I decided to stick with the initial time stamp.
Susan and Karl Married: July 7, 1989
In season one's "Pretty Little Picture," Karl mentions that he and Susan were married 14 years. Assuming their divorce was finalized a year ago (in 2003), this makes the year of their wedding 1989.
Susan and Mike Married: May 31, 2008 and August 28, 2016
The first wedding date was chosen based around the idea that I mentioned before: season two spans a year and a half. By that logic, season three ends around May 2008, which is when Susan and Mike elope.
Their second wedding was harder to pinpoint by month. Lynette's pregnancy really mucks up the timeline as far as months, and then the show doesn't help itself by giving so many specific references to time in the first couple of episodes of season six. The year is based on my timeline, which sets season five from 2014-2016 and season six from 2016-2017 (something I mentioned in my previous post on the timeline and plan to expand on in the future).
Julie: January 19, 1991
MJ: March 14, 2009
Julie celebrates her birthday in the season one episode "Move On" (set in January 2005). By my timeline, she would turn 14 then, 15 and 16 during season two, 17 in season three, and 18 in season four. This matches up with her getting ready to leave for college at the end of season four.
I took some liberties with MJ's birth. If Susan and Mike got married in May 2008 and Susan found out she was pregnant a month later, there is no way that MJ was born on Mother's Day 2009. So I bumped back his birth a couple of months despite the fact that the episode surrounding his birth specifically takes place in May. The year, again, is based on the season two expanded timeline.
The Scavos
Lynette: December 29, 1965
Tom: June 22, 1967
I originally had Lynette closer to Bree's age (and Tom consequently bumped back since it was established in season five that she's two years older). I bumped her up to 1965 based on the SN they gave her in "It Wasn't Meant to Happen" (Lynette65). Later, I stuck with this year because making her any older during her season six pregnancy would have been absurd (even this date stamp pushes it a bit). By the same vein, however, I also didn't make her any younger because some of the early references on the show really place both Tom and Lynette as the couple that married and started a family latest in life. It wouldn't have made sense to bump her back to her mid 20s when she and Tom got married and had kids.
That said, there are contradictions to this. In season one they mention that Tom is 41 (which would make Lynette 43), but by that stamp, Lynette would have been about 55 when she got pregnant with Paige (which seems a bit outside the realm of possibility).
Married: March 8, 1997
I chose March because of where the episode "My Husband, The Pig" fell (in which they celebrate their anniversary). The twins were born in 1998, so obviously they got married before then. Then, taking into account Kayla's birth and Tom's ensuing relationship with Annabel, I couldn't justify them dating, getting engaged, and marrying any earlier than 1997. This throws off the idea that in "My Husband, The Pig" they were celebrating their 9th anniversary, but given the age of the twins, that didn't make sense anyway.
Kayla: April 1, 1995
Porter and Preston: February 27, 1998
Parker: September 3, 1999
Penny: January 31, 2004
Paige: April 9, 2017
The end of season two establishes that Tom's one night stand with Norah was twelve years ago. Since I have season two end around December2006/January 2007, that would make his one night stand around 1994/1995. I decided to go with late summer 1994, putting Kayla's birthday in April 1995.
Porter and Preston were the easiest. Their birthday is specifically shown to be February 27, 1998 on their school applications in the season one episode "Come In, Stranger."
I based Parker's age off of the celebration of his birthday at the beginning of season three and his mention of being five in the season one episode "Love is in the Air." The celebration puts his birthday at the end of summer; if he was five in February of 2005 ("Love is in the Air") then he'd be turning 6 at the end of the summer. This puts his birthday in 1999.
Penny is listed at 10 months old according to Mike's list of Wisteria Lane residents at the beginning of season one. This puts her birthday sometime in January 2004.
Paige falls into my adapted timeline that sets season six from 2016-2017. Lynette's pregnancy was really stretched too long (much like Susan's in season four), but the best I could do to condense it believably was to have Paige born in April 2017.
The Solises
Carlos: April 8, 1971
Gaby: February 2, 1977
Both of these were fairly arbitrary picks. I don't know if there was any particular logic beyond the choice of April for Carlos (based on Gaby mentioning that it was his birthday in season six's "I Guess This is Goodbye." There might have been some reference to Gaby's age in season one or two that made me choose 1977, but I can't find any actual mention of it in my notes.
Married: August 10, 2002
Gaby and Carlos have a tricky anniversary. The end of season two claims they moved in three years ago (and a flashback puts them at having been married three months at that point). As I said before, my season two end date puts the timeline at Dec. 2006/Jan. 2007, and the earliest that would make their move in date is 2003. I bumped it back a year mostly because a lot would have had to happen between Nov. 2003 and the start of the series; it made more sense to give them a full two years on the Lane before the pilot (not to mention that in the flashback, Lynette would have been very pregnant with Penny at that point). I chose August because the celebration of their anniversary, as it falls in my timeline, puts their wedding in that month.
Juanita: September 12, 2009
Celia: February 14, 2012
Oh Juanita. You age so quickly. At the start of season five, Juanita is four, but by the end she is seven. To make that work, I put her birthday in September (so she'd turn five soon after the premiere). Again, this goes by my timeline, which has season five start in 2014. In my favor, Juanita celebrates her birthday in season six at the beginning of the season (believably September); to my detriment, this season they just had her celebrate a birthday in January. Given the two choices, I'm sticking with September.
Has Celia's age ever been established? I think I finally settled on 2012 because Juanita seemed to keep aging while Celia didn't. I wanted to give them some space in age to justify this.
Other Birthdays and Anniversaries
Orson: September 30, 1959
Orson was in the mental institution in 1976 ("The Little Things You Do Together"). They gave him the age stamp of 17 when that occurred. This one was simple math.
Orson and Bree Married: September 15, 2007
They married on the show at the beginning of season three ("It Takes Two"). This follows my extended season two.
Edie: June 1, 1967
Like Susan, Edie's birthday seemed to jump all over the place. She celebrates it twice between the end of season three and the beginning of season four (which logically doesn't work). I think I finally decided to plunk her down right between the two in order to clear up the discrepancy. I can't remember if there was any logic to making it 1967 (I can't find my notes on Edie); it might have been as simple as keeping up the rivalry between her and Susan.
Mary Alice: November 18, 1965
The date on her tombstone. I love when these are easy.
Zach: April 30, 1988
I believe I based this date not only off of the vague Mike/Dierdre timeline we were given, but also off of the apparent rivalry between Zach and Andrew in season one. Also, it made sense that he would have been out of high school by the end of season two at the latest.
These are the only ones I've mapped out, but of course there are many other characters that I haven't mentioned here. It helps so much in writing fanfic to have some idea of where the characters are in both age and relationships (which is primarily why I only have the major characters plotted).
There will most likely be more timeline posts from me somewhere down the line. It's ridiculous how many pages of notes I have on this.
The Van de Kamps
Rex: June 10, 1962
Bree: May 7, 1962
Reasoning: It was stated that Bree and Rex met in college. I always presumed that they were in the same year, but I don't know if that was ever explicitly confirmed or denied. Initially, I picked 1962 as the birth year because that was the year Marcia Cross was born. In Rex's case, I feel like this was supported by the show when they had Bree pull out Rex's yearbook from 1980 last season to show Sam.
Married: June 28, 1986
In the season one episode "Suspicious Minds," it is stated that Bree and Rex have been married 18 years. By the 2004 year stamp, that would make their wedding sometime in 1986.
Andrew: November 3, 1988
Danielle: September 26, 1990
During "Ah, But Underneath" we're told that Andrew is sixteen, and that episode (arguably) takes place in October 2004. By putting Andrew's birthday in November, I set it up so he would turn 17 in 2004. At the end of season (in "There Will Be Trumpets"), we're told that Andrew is going to be expelled "two months from graduation." Presumably, Andrew could have started school at 4 and turned 5 in November, setting him up to graduate at age 17. By the same token, I felt like it was never made clear if Andrew DID graduate from high school in 2005. If his graduation was actually the following year (2006), he would have been 18. Either way this makes sense.
In the same episode ("Ah, But Underneath"), it's stated that Danielle is 15, but obviously that doesn't match up with the birth year I gave her (by my timeline she would have been 14 in 2004). It's my belief (which I will argue at some other time) that season two spanned a year and a half of time. By this count, Danielle would have turned 14 right before season one, 15 and then 16 (her missed birthday in the season two episode "No One Is Alone") in season two, 17 in season three, and finally 18 in season four. The reason I set it in September was because in season four Danielle mentions that her 18th birthday was soon before Benjamin was born (which we know was on Halloween). Since I believe season two was elongated, I changed the birth year from '89 to '90 so the 18th birthday stamp would still make sense. It also gives a little more wiggle room between her and Andrew's births.
The Mayers/Delfinos
Karl: August 13, 1964
Susan: April 19, 1967
Mike: March 2, 1963
Karl and Mike are completely arbitrary. I assumed they were both older than Susan, who, more than any other character, has had her age constantly reassessed. In "Coming Home" (season two, 2005) she says she's 38. I went by this initial reference to her age, making her birth year 1967. There are several references that contradict this, but since Susan's age has yo-yo-ed so much, I decided to stick with the initial time stamp.
Susan and Karl Married: July 7, 1989
In season one's "Pretty Little Picture," Karl mentions that he and Susan were married 14 years. Assuming their divorce was finalized a year ago (in 2003), this makes the year of their wedding 1989.
Susan and Mike Married: May 31, 2008 and August 28, 2016
The first wedding date was chosen based around the idea that I mentioned before: season two spans a year and a half. By that logic, season three ends around May 2008, which is when Susan and Mike elope.
Their second wedding was harder to pinpoint by month. Lynette's pregnancy really mucks up the timeline as far as months, and then the show doesn't help itself by giving so many specific references to time in the first couple of episodes of season six. The year is based on my timeline, which sets season five from 2014-2016 and season six from 2016-2017 (something I mentioned in my previous post on the timeline and plan to expand on in the future).
Julie: January 19, 1991
MJ: March 14, 2009
Julie celebrates her birthday in the season one episode "Move On" (set in January 2005). By my timeline, she would turn 14 then, 15 and 16 during season two, 17 in season three, and 18 in season four. This matches up with her getting ready to leave for college at the end of season four.
I took some liberties with MJ's birth. If Susan and Mike got married in May 2008 and Susan found out she was pregnant a month later, there is no way that MJ was born on Mother's Day 2009. So I bumped back his birth a couple of months despite the fact that the episode surrounding his birth specifically takes place in May. The year, again, is based on the season two expanded timeline.
The Scavos
Lynette: December 29, 1965
Tom: June 22, 1967
I originally had Lynette closer to Bree's age (and Tom consequently bumped back since it was established in season five that she's two years older). I bumped her up to 1965 based on the SN they gave her in "It Wasn't Meant to Happen" (Lynette65). Later, I stuck with this year because making her any older during her season six pregnancy would have been absurd (even this date stamp pushes it a bit). By the same vein, however, I also didn't make her any younger because some of the early references on the show really place both Tom and Lynette as the couple that married and started a family latest in life. It wouldn't have made sense to bump her back to her mid 20s when she and Tom got married and had kids.
That said, there are contradictions to this. In season one they mention that Tom is 41 (which would make Lynette 43), but by that stamp, Lynette would have been about 55 when she got pregnant with Paige (which seems a bit outside the realm of possibility).
Married: March 8, 1997
I chose March because of where the episode "My Husband, The Pig" fell (in which they celebrate their anniversary). The twins were born in 1998, so obviously they got married before then. Then, taking into account Kayla's birth and Tom's ensuing relationship with Annabel, I couldn't justify them dating, getting engaged, and marrying any earlier than 1997. This throws off the idea that in "My Husband, The Pig" they were celebrating their 9th anniversary, but given the age of the twins, that didn't make sense anyway.
Kayla: April 1, 1995
Porter and Preston: February 27, 1998
Parker: September 3, 1999
Penny: January 31, 2004
Paige: April 9, 2017
The end of season two establishes that Tom's one night stand with Norah was twelve years ago. Since I have season two end around December2006/January 2007, that would make his one night stand around 1994/1995. I decided to go with late summer 1994, putting Kayla's birthday in April 1995.
Porter and Preston were the easiest. Their birthday is specifically shown to be February 27, 1998 on their school applications in the season one episode "Come In, Stranger."
I based Parker's age off of the celebration of his birthday at the beginning of season three and his mention of being five in the season one episode "Love is in the Air." The celebration puts his birthday at the end of summer; if he was five in February of 2005 ("Love is in the Air") then he'd be turning 6 at the end of the summer. This puts his birthday in 1999.
Penny is listed at 10 months old according to Mike's list of Wisteria Lane residents at the beginning of season one. This puts her birthday sometime in January 2004.
Paige falls into my adapted timeline that sets season six from 2016-2017. Lynette's pregnancy was really stretched too long (much like Susan's in season four), but the best I could do to condense it believably was to have Paige born in April 2017.
The Solises
Carlos: April 8, 1971
Gaby: February 2, 1977
Both of these were fairly arbitrary picks. I don't know if there was any particular logic beyond the choice of April for Carlos (based on Gaby mentioning that it was his birthday in season six's "I Guess This is Goodbye." There might have been some reference to Gaby's age in season one or two that made me choose 1977, but I can't find any actual mention of it in my notes.
Married: August 10, 2002
Gaby and Carlos have a tricky anniversary. The end of season two claims they moved in three years ago (and a flashback puts them at having been married three months at that point). As I said before, my season two end date puts the timeline at Dec. 2006/Jan. 2007, and the earliest that would make their move in date is 2003. I bumped it back a year mostly because a lot would have had to happen between Nov. 2003 and the start of the series; it made more sense to give them a full two years on the Lane before the pilot (not to mention that in the flashback, Lynette would have been very pregnant with Penny at that point). I chose August because the celebration of their anniversary, as it falls in my timeline, puts their wedding in that month.
Juanita: September 12, 2009
Celia: February 14, 2012
Oh Juanita. You age so quickly. At the start of season five, Juanita is four, but by the end she is seven. To make that work, I put her birthday in September (so she'd turn five soon after the premiere). Again, this goes by my timeline, which has season five start in 2014. In my favor, Juanita celebrates her birthday in season six at the beginning of the season (believably September); to my detriment, this season they just had her celebrate a birthday in January. Given the two choices, I'm sticking with September.
Has Celia's age ever been established? I think I finally settled on 2012 because Juanita seemed to keep aging while Celia didn't. I wanted to give them some space in age to justify this.
Other Birthdays and Anniversaries
Orson: September 30, 1959
Orson was in the mental institution in 1976 ("The Little Things You Do Together"). They gave him the age stamp of 17 when that occurred. This one was simple math.
Orson and Bree Married: September 15, 2007
They married on the show at the beginning of season three ("It Takes Two"). This follows my extended season two.
Edie: June 1, 1967
Like Susan, Edie's birthday seemed to jump all over the place. She celebrates it twice between the end of season three and the beginning of season four (which logically doesn't work). I think I finally decided to plunk her down right between the two in order to clear up the discrepancy. I can't remember if there was any logic to making it 1967 (I can't find my notes on Edie); it might have been as simple as keeping up the rivalry between her and Susan.
Mary Alice: November 18, 1965
The date on her tombstone. I love when these are easy.
Zach: April 30, 1988
I believe I based this date not only off of the vague Mike/Dierdre timeline we were given, but also off of the apparent rivalry between Zach and Andrew in season one. Also, it made sense that he would have been out of high school by the end of season two at the latest.
These are the only ones I've mapped out, but of course there are many other characters that I haven't mentioned here. It helps so much in writing fanfic to have some idea of where the characters are in both age and relationships (which is primarily why I only have the major characters plotted).
There will most likely be more timeline posts from me somewhere down the line. It's ridiculous how many pages of notes I have on this.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
DH mini-recap: Farewell Letter
I've gotten terribly off-track with recapping. I'd blame it all on real life, but part of it was also that I've only managed to get through about one third of "A Humiliating Business." That episode is just dull to recap. Anyway, I may or may not catch up (depending on how cluttered my DVR gets), but for this week I had too many thoughts not to get some of them down.
Season Seven, Episode Fifteen: "Farewell Letter"
Lynette is the opening narration this week as Mary Alice reminds us of all of how many sleepless nights she's had (feeding babies, taking care of sick children, and breaking up pillow fights). They even brought back the former actors who played the boys for this walk down memory lane (which makes me wish, not for the first time, that this show hadn't jumped five years into the future). Anyway, even now that her boys are grown up, they're still bothering the hell out of her. Porter wakes her up to ask if they have eggs. Apparently Lynette is too tired to tell him to GO AWAY. He continues to pester her (where do they keep the eggs?, how do you make an omelet?) until finally Lynette gets out of bed to do it herself. Thus begins my tremulous belief that this plot makes any sense. No one, least of all Lynette, would get up in the middle of the night to make her twenty-year-old sons omelets.
Downstairs, she finds that Porter and Preston are not alone: they brought home two trashy girls. They want the omelets to impress them. Lynette drags the twins over to complain that they woke her up to feed their booty calls and remind them that as a house rule, they're not supposed to be bringing girls home to hook up. They tell Lynette that they're men now, and instead of taking charge and kicking out the bimbos, Lynette just lies that they keep the eggs under the sink and watches incredulously as Preston actually goes looking for them there. Then she just walks away.
Wee little credits.
The next morning, Lynette and Tom are waiting for the boys when they come downstairs. Tom shoves the newspaper into Preston's hand, and then he and Lynette announce that the boys have seven days to leave. Porter tries to protest that they promised he could stay until he finished college (which raises so many questions: 1. why doesn't he live in a dorm? 2. did Preston ever start school or has he literally just been bumming around for a year now? 3. why do they WANT to live at home with their parents and three siblings, one of whom is a screaming baby they're constantly forced to look after? Porter and Preston, I DO NOT understand you). Instead of pointing this out, Lynette and Tom just insist that they need to leave. Tom even tells them to get jobs to pay for it. Sulkily, the twins go off to make phone calls. Lynette and Tom agree that while the boys are not ready, they have to be pushed out of the nest or they'll never learn to fly.
Susan is driving and bitching on the phone about her insurance only covering part of her dialysis. She spills coffee all over herself, and things just keep getting worse as a cop pulls her over. He accuses her of not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign and asks for her license and registration. As always, Susan has to give a whole huge sob story, bitching about the insurance and coffee and how she'll be late for dialysis now and get a bad seat near the bathroom. Taking pity (or maybe not wanting to listen to Susan whine), the cop decides to let her off with a warning. Susan: "Thank you dialysis."
Meanwhile, Gaby packs for a trip to her hometown in Texas. She isn't looking forward to going home, complaining about the hick people, small town, and perpetual tire fire. As usual, Carlos sees through this and points out that she doesn't want to go because she really doesn't want to do her therapy homework. The therapist made her write a letter to her stepfather expressing how she felt; now she wants Gaby to go to his grave and read it to him. Gaby is skeptical that this will help.
Mike and Paul are taking Zach to rehab; Zach is not thrilled about this. In fact, he's so resistant that he tries to jump out of the moving car. When Paul stops him, Zach tries to blame Paul for everything that's wrong with him. Paul points out that Zach was the one who shot him, and he yells that Zach is going to go to rehab to get sorted out or else Paul will send him to rot in jail. Zach doesn't protest, so Paul leans over and straps him back in. Such a small touch, but so brilliant. Whoever made that call is genius.
After finding out about his long lost son last week, Keith makes an effort to cram a lifetime of bonding into what seems like a day. This amounts to teaching Charlie how to throw a baseball. Everyone is all smiles until Charlie's mom shows up and announces they have to go finish packing. They're moving to Florida. Charlie skedaddles, and Keith is left to whine to Bree about how he lost precious bonding time with Charlie because Bree lied. This one argument is the only time they address this point. Keith is mad, but he's too in love with Bree to hold it against her. Gag me.
Commercials.
Susan and MJ in a grocery store. Obviously this isn't leading anywhere good. In fact, MJ is out to prove that he is his mother's son by whining that he's going to miss "Tom and Jerry" because he and Susan are stuck in line at the grocery store. Do kids really still watch "Tom and Jerry"? Is it even on TV anymore? Susan sighs, then inspiration strikes. She sends MJ off on an errand (I guess she can't lie in front of her son), and pretends she's late for dialysis to cut the line. That Susan, always a class act.
Gaby and Carlos arrive in small town Texas, sticking out like two sore thumbs. A woman approaches them to ask if they're lost, and then realizes who Gaby is. She's genuinely thrilled to see Gabrielle (seeing that she's such a famous supermodel). The woman asks what brings Gaby back, but Gaby is too distracted by a nun crossing the street to respond. Clearly she and the nun recognize each other. Upset, Gaby insists that they need to go to the hotel, and she and Carlos pile back into the cab. The nun stares ominously.
Back in Fairview, Keith has just dropped Charlie and his mom (does she have a name?) at the airport and arrives home to sulk some more. He gives this big speech about his absentee father, and how he's now in the same situation despite vowing to never to become his dad. Except, you know, his dad was in the army and Keith is just slumming around Fairview. Bree is nice enough just to say, "You're not your father."
Across the street, we find out that it didn't take long for Porter and Preston to find a new place of residence. They and their parents are out on the driveway, putting the last boxes into their car and saying goodbye. Lynette even does that cute mommy thing and takes a picture of her grown-up boys (as Tom good naturedly rolls his eyes). The twins get in the car and drive away as Lynette gets emotional and goes to Tom for a hug. It is not a moment with a long shelf life; seconds later, Tom notices that the twins drove across the street--they're moving in with Mrs. McCluskey. Horrified, Lynette erases her picture.
Commercials.
Susan and Renee are apparently still BFFs; Susan is over at Renee's having coffee. She gets off the phone and brags about how dialysis got her out of jury duty. Unsurprisingly, Renee is impressed and wishes that she was on dialysis too. Susan admits that she doesn't feel guilty because something good may as well come from this shitty situation. Renee decides they should continue to use Susan's new power for evil: they're going to get into a restaurant that usually has a long wait.
Back in the great state of Texas, the Solises arrive at a cafe for dinner. The place is completely decked out with pictures of Gaby--magazine covers, spreads from photo shoots, etc. Immediately, people flock to Gaby so they can get pictures with her (Carlos, her chauffeur, takes them). The surprises keep on coming as the school principal comes up and asks Gaby if she'll come speak to the girls at the school tomorrow. She's a motivational figure: the only one who ever made something of herself. Carlos tries to protest that they have a plane to catch, but of course Gaby isn't one to shy way from attention. Ever.
Later, Paul arrives home, and Beth asks him how it went with Zach. They make some chit chat, and Beth says that she feels like Paul has pulled away from her. She thinks that it's about Zach, not realizing that Paul knows her true identity. She's so excited that this is all sorted out because now they can be close again; she goes to hug Paul and realizes that he has her gun stuck in the back of his pants. Paul says that he needed to feel protected around Zach, but then casually wonders why Beth even had to bring a gun into their home. Beth gets overly defensive, yelling that Paul can get rid of the gun if he wants, and then begs Paul to talk to her. Since Paul couldn't tell the truth to save his life, he instead gives a spiel about betrayal--can things ever be good again after that? Beth looks worried.
That night, Keith wakes Bree with the perfect plan for her to make amends for lying (hint: it's not sex). They should move to Florida! Unsurprisingly, swimming with dolphins and picking oranges is not enough incentive for Bree. Keith is bummed, but the only other solution is for him to move on alone, and he knows a long distance relationship would be doomed. With this thought, he rolls over to go to sleep, leaving Bree up to mull things over.
Commercials.
The next day, Gaby's on the phone in her motel room doing a newspaper interview. As she hangs up, Carlos tries to point out that she still needs to go to the cemetery. Gaby says she's already gotten closure since she's now being beloved by a town that once shunned her. Carlos, as always, is skeptical.
As they have so many times before, the Scavos stare out their living room window while discussing the antics of their children. Lynette thinks that McCluskey will whip the kids into shape, but a second later Karen calls to ask Lynette how to make an omelet for the twins. Obviously this isn't going to fly; Lynette hurries right over, and to her dismay, finds the twins eating breakfast with Karen, Roy and the two trashy girls. Annoyed, Lynette tells Karen that the point was for the twins to grow up, but instead they just moved from her boob to Karen's. Everyone makes a face. Lynette drags Karen out of the room to continue complaining, but Karen says that the twins are good boys and as long as they continue to be, she doesn't care if she waits on them. You can practically see the lightbulb above Lynette's head.
The hits keep on coming for poor Carlos as he later listens to Gaby warning a group of girls about the dangers of math and science (thinking too hard gives you wrinkles). You know he's probably wondering what she's been telling their daughters. Just then, the principal interrupts to reintroduce the nun from earlier, Sister Marta, to Gaby. Sister Marta is pretty condescending, telling Gaby that she's always loved being the center of attention, and with that parting shot she walks away.
Gaby storms after Sister Marta and demands to talk to her. Apparently, she told the nun what was happening with her stepfather, but her confession was dismissed. Sister Marta thought Gaby was making it up (she was a "trashy" girl because she read inappropriate books and magazines); slowly, Gaby realizes that the nun still doesn't believe her. At this point, Gaby breaks down, telling Sister Marta that after Gaby told her about the rape, she (the nun) told Gaby she should be ashamed of herself (for what happened or "lying" about it, I'm not sure), and ever since then, Gaby has been ashamed. The nun wants to know if Gaby came back to blame her, and Gaby says no, she came back because her therapist said talking to her stepfather's grave would bring closure. Instead, Gaby is going to tell her what she came to tell him: "I did not deserve what happened to me. I was a child. But you, you were a grown-up and you did nothing. You should be ashamed of yourself." It's really powerful, I think particularly because of the word "grown-up" instead of "adult." It really drives home how young Gaby was when this happened.
Leaving Sister Marta speechless, Gaby walks out, head held high, and meets Carlos. It's unclear whether he heard her, but he doesn't protest when Gaby says she's ready to go home.
Leaving this plot out of any context, I really am happy that the show finally decided to explore more of Gaby's past. I feel like her past more than any of the other characters (except perhaps Bree), hasn't been explored in as much depth. This molestation plot has only been mentioned once before (in season two), and it's nice to see that explored in a little more depth. I really enjoyed this scene where Gaby confronted Sister Marta.
That said, I do hate when this show starts in one place and veers off in a totally different direction without closure. The therapy started as a way for Gaby to deal with Grace leaving. Is she just over that now? Will Grace ever be mentioned again? It reminds me of how Rick suddenly popped back up in season four only for the plot to end up revolving around Kayla, or how the Porter being falsely accused of murder storyline ended quite abruptly with a one episode plot about Lynette and her mom. It's inexplicable to me how they decide which plots get to go on for sixteen episodes (Bree/Keith), and which ones are suddenly dropped without a second thought. Don't get me wrong, I liked this story, but I just wish that the audience could have gotten some closure with Grace first.
Commercials.
Back on Wisteria Lane, Lynette has decided to "celebrate" the boys' big move by bringing them a keg and telling them to have a party. Lynette is the queen of these back door moves.
Meanwhile, Paul goes to visit Zach in rehab. I think he should have waited longer, but Paul desperately needs to know why Zach shot him. Zach tells Paul that he's hated him all his life; Paul made him the way he is. "You're evil," says Zach over Paul's protestations. "You are the reason Mom killed herself." It's horrible to hear (for me as well as Paul). Instantly, Paul tells Zach not to say that, but it's clear that it's a thought he's had at least once himself. Watching this scene, it's impossible not to hate Mary Alice at least a little. Her death ripped these two characters to shreds, and they haven't been able to survive without her. It's really depressing.
Realizing that he has power now, Zach gets in Paul's face about the suicide. Paul tries to say that Mary Alice loved him, but Zach says that no one could love Paul.
Later, Karen's house is completely trashed, so she literally drags Porter and Preston home by the ears. Lynette pretends to be shocked, and Karen abruptly remembers that the twins aren't sweet, but actually monsters. She storms out.
Amazingly, the twins think that they're going to be allowed to move back home. Lynette tells them they're going to clean up Karen's house and then find a new apartment. She yells at them for being helpless, but they turn the tables and blame her. They accuse her of always doing everything for them, and though she obviously wants to, Lynette can't deny this. Predictably (seriously, either I know this character too well now or the writers are getting stale), this all comes back to Lynette's childhood: she had to grow up too fast, so she didn't want the boys to as well. She admits that it went on too long. She apologizes, but says that it's time for them to grow up; the twins agree. Then she says she'll teach them how to make an omelet.
I cannot decide if this whole plot made absolutely no sense or not. This is the problem: remember this episode? The whole thing revolved around Lynette not wanting Tom's mom to dote on the kids and turn them into dependent idiots. Now a few months later, she's apparently done the same thing their whole lives? It doesn't quite seem in character. Not to mention that if she did it with the twins, I'd imagine she's done it with all of the kids, and just a few months ago there was a whole episode about Penny (at age "11") being responsible enough to take care of Paige. Even in that fantasy segment from "If" last season, Lynette made her disabled child make his own sandwich because he had to learn to take care of himself. So to me, it doesn't add up.
Not only does that bother me, but I also don't buy that the twins are that stupid. They've always been rash and impetuous (characteristics I like because they are so like their parents); that doesn't make them idiots. Preston spent eight months traveling around Europe and managed to survive. Porter is in college. Lynette and Tom have trusted them to take care of the baby more than once. And just last season it was established that she made Porter do the laundry (they had that big fight about it). So I have a hard time believing that they have that little common sense.
I really think that this plot would have made more sense when the twins were about twelve or thirteen. The one thing that I have no problem believing is that Lynette wanted her kids to have a real childhood; that has been clearly established. But I think that she would have started to realize they need more responsibility about the time they hit puberty, not when they were fully grown men. Actually, if this episode had taken place in real time, not in five-year-jump land, it would have really worked. I could totally see Lynette getting into a power struggle with her teenage boys over making them take more responsibility. But at this point in time, I don't quite buy it.
Anyway, the show is still going on. All that thinking that Bree did the night before actually leads to her to finally doing the right thing. She tells Keith that he should move. Right now his relationship with Charlie is long distance, and she knows that it's more important for that relationship to work than theirs. She tells him that she's already lived through having kids, and they are the most important people in her life. Keith can always find another love (as Bree has time and again), but he won't be able to replace his relationship with his child.
I am ridiculously happy to see Keith go. Bree has been trapped in this snooze-worthy storyline for two thirds of the season, and I'm ready for her to move on. Not only did Bree and Keith have the least conflicted relationship of any couple in the history of this show, but I also feel like it lacked any sort of character exploration. In some ways, this felt like the lost Karl relationship to me, answering that question: what would Bree have been like if she actually wound up with a guy who wasn't so much like her? Unfortunately, Keith is no Karl, and if they needed to go down this road, I would have rather seen it happen last year with Karl than this year with Keith.
This season could have been much more about Bree reinventing herself than it has been. There was no fallout from her selling the business; little to no follow up with the fact that she's now a divorcee; no dealing with the fact that she's an adult with grown children--really alone for the first time. I would have rather seen her struggle with her identity in the beginning of this season and maybe find herself in a relationship in the latter half instead of what the show gave us. This show needs to remember that it's not just a romantic comedy; there are other facets of these characters to explore.
Commercials.
Time for more dialysis hijinks. Susan and Renee have arrived at the restaurant, and Susan tries to use her dialysis to cut the line, but for once it's a no go. A pushy man refuses to let Susan play the pity card: he's a diabetic; his wife has arthritis. He goes on a long diatribe about how everyone has problems, and Susan isn't special. It is amazing. More people should say this to Susan. Shot down, Susan and Renee walk away, and Susan complains that she doesn't feel well. A second later, she collapses. Renee thinks she's faking for a second, then realizes that Susan really did pass out. She yells for someone to call 911.
That night, at home, Paul sits on his bed and waits for Beth to come out of the bathroom. When she does, he picks up a suitcase and forcibly drags her downstairs. She tries to protest, but he finally confesses that he knows who she is. Beth begs him to forgive her, trying to say that she loves him, but he literally throws her out of the house. "No one could ever love me," he says, handing her her gun and slamming the door in her face. He didn't even give her her fish.
End narration: Mary Alice talks about leaving. Porter and Preston pack up their car and hit the road. Gaby and Carlos hold hands as they take a taxi home. Keith has apparently agreed to go: he packs his bag to leave. As Mary Alice sums this episode up, not once mentioning the destruction she has borne her family, Beth sadly walks down the street, realizing she has no where to go.
Overall, I'd give this episode a B. Without nitpicking, it really was stellar, but there are too many little things I can't quite let go. The one part of the episode that really worked for me was Paul's plot; it was the most brilliant, by far. Subtle and powerful, and I felt bad for every one of the characters. It's heartbreaking to see how their lives have been destroyed by one death, and a nice reminder that at one time, Mary Alice's suicide was the heart of this show. This episode did make me wonder, though, if this season might not end with Paul's suicide as well. I feel like he's headed in a downward spiral, and no one cares enough to save him.
Season Seven, Episode Fifteen: "Farewell Letter"
Lynette is the opening narration this week as Mary Alice reminds us of all of how many sleepless nights she's had (feeding babies, taking care of sick children, and breaking up pillow fights). They even brought back the former actors who played the boys for this walk down memory lane (which makes me wish, not for the first time, that this show hadn't jumped five years into the future). Anyway, even now that her boys are grown up, they're still bothering the hell out of her. Porter wakes her up to ask if they have eggs. Apparently Lynette is too tired to tell him to GO AWAY. He continues to pester her (where do they keep the eggs?, how do you make an omelet?) until finally Lynette gets out of bed to do it herself. Thus begins my tremulous belief that this plot makes any sense. No one, least of all Lynette, would get up in the middle of the night to make her twenty-year-old sons omelets.
Downstairs, she finds that Porter and Preston are not alone: they brought home two trashy girls. They want the omelets to impress them. Lynette drags the twins over to complain that they woke her up to feed their booty calls and remind them that as a house rule, they're not supposed to be bringing girls home to hook up. They tell Lynette that they're men now, and instead of taking charge and kicking out the bimbos, Lynette just lies that they keep the eggs under the sink and watches incredulously as Preston actually goes looking for them there. Then she just walks away.
Wee little credits.
The next morning, Lynette and Tom are waiting for the boys when they come downstairs. Tom shoves the newspaper into Preston's hand, and then he and Lynette announce that the boys have seven days to leave. Porter tries to protest that they promised he could stay until he finished college (which raises so many questions: 1. why doesn't he live in a dorm? 2. did Preston ever start school or has he literally just been bumming around for a year now? 3. why do they WANT to live at home with their parents and three siblings, one of whom is a screaming baby they're constantly forced to look after? Porter and Preston, I DO NOT understand you). Instead of pointing this out, Lynette and Tom just insist that they need to leave. Tom even tells them to get jobs to pay for it. Sulkily, the twins go off to make phone calls. Lynette and Tom agree that while the boys are not ready, they have to be pushed out of the nest or they'll never learn to fly.
Susan is driving and bitching on the phone about her insurance only covering part of her dialysis. She spills coffee all over herself, and things just keep getting worse as a cop pulls her over. He accuses her of not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign and asks for her license and registration. As always, Susan has to give a whole huge sob story, bitching about the insurance and coffee and how she'll be late for dialysis now and get a bad seat near the bathroom. Taking pity (or maybe not wanting to listen to Susan whine), the cop decides to let her off with a warning. Susan: "Thank you dialysis."
Meanwhile, Gaby packs for a trip to her hometown in Texas. She isn't looking forward to going home, complaining about the hick people, small town, and perpetual tire fire. As usual, Carlos sees through this and points out that she doesn't want to go because she really doesn't want to do her therapy homework. The therapist made her write a letter to her stepfather expressing how she felt; now she wants Gaby to go to his grave and read it to him. Gaby is skeptical that this will help.
Mike and Paul are taking Zach to rehab; Zach is not thrilled about this. In fact, he's so resistant that he tries to jump out of the moving car. When Paul stops him, Zach tries to blame Paul for everything that's wrong with him. Paul points out that Zach was the one who shot him, and he yells that Zach is going to go to rehab to get sorted out or else Paul will send him to rot in jail. Zach doesn't protest, so Paul leans over and straps him back in. Such a small touch, but so brilliant. Whoever made that call is genius.
After finding out about his long lost son last week, Keith makes an effort to cram a lifetime of bonding into what seems like a day. This amounts to teaching Charlie how to throw a baseball. Everyone is all smiles until Charlie's mom shows up and announces they have to go finish packing. They're moving to Florida. Charlie skedaddles, and Keith is left to whine to Bree about how he lost precious bonding time with Charlie because Bree lied. This one argument is the only time they address this point. Keith is mad, but he's too in love with Bree to hold it against her. Gag me.
Commercials.
Susan and MJ in a grocery store. Obviously this isn't leading anywhere good. In fact, MJ is out to prove that he is his mother's son by whining that he's going to miss "Tom and Jerry" because he and Susan are stuck in line at the grocery store. Do kids really still watch "Tom and Jerry"? Is it even on TV anymore? Susan sighs, then inspiration strikes. She sends MJ off on an errand (I guess she can't lie in front of her son), and pretends she's late for dialysis to cut the line. That Susan, always a class act.
Gaby and Carlos arrive in small town Texas, sticking out like two sore thumbs. A woman approaches them to ask if they're lost, and then realizes who Gaby is. She's genuinely thrilled to see Gabrielle (seeing that she's such a famous supermodel). The woman asks what brings Gaby back, but Gaby is too distracted by a nun crossing the street to respond. Clearly she and the nun recognize each other. Upset, Gaby insists that they need to go to the hotel, and she and Carlos pile back into the cab. The nun stares ominously.
Back in Fairview, Keith has just dropped Charlie and his mom (does she have a name?) at the airport and arrives home to sulk some more. He gives this big speech about his absentee father, and how he's now in the same situation despite vowing to never to become his dad. Except, you know, his dad was in the army and Keith is just slumming around Fairview. Bree is nice enough just to say, "You're not your father."
Across the street, we find out that it didn't take long for Porter and Preston to find a new place of residence. They and their parents are out on the driveway, putting the last boxes into their car and saying goodbye. Lynette even does that cute mommy thing and takes a picture of her grown-up boys (as Tom good naturedly rolls his eyes). The twins get in the car and drive away as Lynette gets emotional and goes to Tom for a hug. It is not a moment with a long shelf life; seconds later, Tom notices that the twins drove across the street--they're moving in with Mrs. McCluskey. Horrified, Lynette erases her picture.
Commercials.
Susan and Renee are apparently still BFFs; Susan is over at Renee's having coffee. She gets off the phone and brags about how dialysis got her out of jury duty. Unsurprisingly, Renee is impressed and wishes that she was on dialysis too. Susan admits that she doesn't feel guilty because something good may as well come from this shitty situation. Renee decides they should continue to use Susan's new power for evil: they're going to get into a restaurant that usually has a long wait.
Back in the great state of Texas, the Solises arrive at a cafe for dinner. The place is completely decked out with pictures of Gaby--magazine covers, spreads from photo shoots, etc. Immediately, people flock to Gaby so they can get pictures with her (Carlos, her chauffeur, takes them). The surprises keep on coming as the school principal comes up and asks Gaby if she'll come speak to the girls at the school tomorrow. She's a motivational figure: the only one who ever made something of herself. Carlos tries to protest that they have a plane to catch, but of course Gaby isn't one to shy way from attention. Ever.
Later, Paul arrives home, and Beth asks him how it went with Zach. They make some chit chat, and Beth says that she feels like Paul has pulled away from her. She thinks that it's about Zach, not realizing that Paul knows her true identity. She's so excited that this is all sorted out because now they can be close again; she goes to hug Paul and realizes that he has her gun stuck in the back of his pants. Paul says that he needed to feel protected around Zach, but then casually wonders why Beth even had to bring a gun into their home. Beth gets overly defensive, yelling that Paul can get rid of the gun if he wants, and then begs Paul to talk to her. Since Paul couldn't tell the truth to save his life, he instead gives a spiel about betrayal--can things ever be good again after that? Beth looks worried.
That night, Keith wakes Bree with the perfect plan for her to make amends for lying (hint: it's not sex). They should move to Florida! Unsurprisingly, swimming with dolphins and picking oranges is not enough incentive for Bree. Keith is bummed, but the only other solution is for him to move on alone, and he knows a long distance relationship would be doomed. With this thought, he rolls over to go to sleep, leaving Bree up to mull things over.
Commercials.
The next day, Gaby's on the phone in her motel room doing a newspaper interview. As she hangs up, Carlos tries to point out that she still needs to go to the cemetery. Gaby says she's already gotten closure since she's now being beloved by a town that once shunned her. Carlos, as always, is skeptical.
As they have so many times before, the Scavos stare out their living room window while discussing the antics of their children. Lynette thinks that McCluskey will whip the kids into shape, but a second later Karen calls to ask Lynette how to make an omelet for the twins. Obviously this isn't going to fly; Lynette hurries right over, and to her dismay, finds the twins eating breakfast with Karen, Roy and the two trashy girls. Annoyed, Lynette tells Karen that the point was for the twins to grow up, but instead they just moved from her boob to Karen's. Everyone makes a face. Lynette drags Karen out of the room to continue complaining, but Karen says that the twins are good boys and as long as they continue to be, she doesn't care if she waits on them. You can practically see the lightbulb above Lynette's head.
The hits keep on coming for poor Carlos as he later listens to Gaby warning a group of girls about the dangers of math and science (thinking too hard gives you wrinkles). You know he's probably wondering what she's been telling their daughters. Just then, the principal interrupts to reintroduce the nun from earlier, Sister Marta, to Gaby. Sister Marta is pretty condescending, telling Gaby that she's always loved being the center of attention, and with that parting shot she walks away.
Gaby storms after Sister Marta and demands to talk to her. Apparently, she told the nun what was happening with her stepfather, but her confession was dismissed. Sister Marta thought Gaby was making it up (she was a "trashy" girl because she read inappropriate books and magazines); slowly, Gaby realizes that the nun still doesn't believe her. At this point, Gaby breaks down, telling Sister Marta that after Gaby told her about the rape, she (the nun) told Gaby she should be ashamed of herself (for what happened or "lying" about it, I'm not sure), and ever since then, Gaby has been ashamed. The nun wants to know if Gaby came back to blame her, and Gaby says no, she came back because her therapist said talking to her stepfather's grave would bring closure. Instead, Gaby is going to tell her what she came to tell him: "I did not deserve what happened to me. I was a child. But you, you were a grown-up and you did nothing. You should be ashamed of yourself." It's really powerful, I think particularly because of the word "grown-up" instead of "adult." It really drives home how young Gaby was when this happened.
Leaving Sister Marta speechless, Gaby walks out, head held high, and meets Carlos. It's unclear whether he heard her, but he doesn't protest when Gaby says she's ready to go home.
Leaving this plot out of any context, I really am happy that the show finally decided to explore more of Gaby's past. I feel like her past more than any of the other characters (except perhaps Bree), hasn't been explored in as much depth. This molestation plot has only been mentioned once before (in season two), and it's nice to see that explored in a little more depth. I really enjoyed this scene where Gaby confronted Sister Marta.
That said, I do hate when this show starts in one place and veers off in a totally different direction without closure. The therapy started as a way for Gaby to deal with Grace leaving. Is she just over that now? Will Grace ever be mentioned again? It reminds me of how Rick suddenly popped back up in season four only for the plot to end up revolving around Kayla, or how the Porter being falsely accused of murder storyline ended quite abruptly with a one episode plot about Lynette and her mom. It's inexplicable to me how they decide which plots get to go on for sixteen episodes (Bree/Keith), and which ones are suddenly dropped without a second thought. Don't get me wrong, I liked this story, but I just wish that the audience could have gotten some closure with Grace first.
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Back on Wisteria Lane, Lynette has decided to "celebrate" the boys' big move by bringing them a keg and telling them to have a party. Lynette is the queen of these back door moves.
Meanwhile, Paul goes to visit Zach in rehab. I think he should have waited longer, but Paul desperately needs to know why Zach shot him. Zach tells Paul that he's hated him all his life; Paul made him the way he is. "You're evil," says Zach over Paul's protestations. "You are the reason Mom killed herself." It's horrible to hear (for me as well as Paul). Instantly, Paul tells Zach not to say that, but it's clear that it's a thought he's had at least once himself. Watching this scene, it's impossible not to hate Mary Alice at least a little. Her death ripped these two characters to shreds, and they haven't been able to survive without her. It's really depressing.
Realizing that he has power now, Zach gets in Paul's face about the suicide. Paul tries to say that Mary Alice loved him, but Zach says that no one could love Paul.
Later, Karen's house is completely trashed, so she literally drags Porter and Preston home by the ears. Lynette pretends to be shocked, and Karen abruptly remembers that the twins aren't sweet, but actually monsters. She storms out.
Amazingly, the twins think that they're going to be allowed to move back home. Lynette tells them they're going to clean up Karen's house and then find a new apartment. She yells at them for being helpless, but they turn the tables and blame her. They accuse her of always doing everything for them, and though she obviously wants to, Lynette can't deny this. Predictably (seriously, either I know this character too well now or the writers are getting stale), this all comes back to Lynette's childhood: she had to grow up too fast, so she didn't want the boys to as well. She admits that it went on too long. She apologizes, but says that it's time for them to grow up; the twins agree. Then she says she'll teach them how to make an omelet.
I cannot decide if this whole plot made absolutely no sense or not. This is the problem: remember this episode? The whole thing revolved around Lynette not wanting Tom's mom to dote on the kids and turn them into dependent idiots. Now a few months later, she's apparently done the same thing their whole lives? It doesn't quite seem in character. Not to mention that if she did it with the twins, I'd imagine she's done it with all of the kids, and just a few months ago there was a whole episode about Penny (at age "11") being responsible enough to take care of Paige. Even in that fantasy segment from "If" last season, Lynette made her disabled child make his own sandwich because he had to learn to take care of himself. So to me, it doesn't add up.
Not only does that bother me, but I also don't buy that the twins are that stupid. They've always been rash and impetuous (characteristics I like because they are so like their parents); that doesn't make them idiots. Preston spent eight months traveling around Europe and managed to survive. Porter is in college. Lynette and Tom have trusted them to take care of the baby more than once. And just last season it was established that she made Porter do the laundry (they had that big fight about it). So I have a hard time believing that they have that little common sense.
I really think that this plot would have made more sense when the twins were about twelve or thirteen. The one thing that I have no problem believing is that Lynette wanted her kids to have a real childhood; that has been clearly established. But I think that she would have started to realize they need more responsibility about the time they hit puberty, not when they were fully grown men. Actually, if this episode had taken place in real time, not in five-year-jump land, it would have really worked. I could totally see Lynette getting into a power struggle with her teenage boys over making them take more responsibility. But at this point in time, I don't quite buy it.
Anyway, the show is still going on. All that thinking that Bree did the night before actually leads to her to finally doing the right thing. She tells Keith that he should move. Right now his relationship with Charlie is long distance, and she knows that it's more important for that relationship to work than theirs. She tells him that she's already lived through having kids, and they are the most important people in her life. Keith can always find another love (as Bree has time and again), but he won't be able to replace his relationship with his child.
I am ridiculously happy to see Keith go. Bree has been trapped in this snooze-worthy storyline for two thirds of the season, and I'm ready for her to move on. Not only did Bree and Keith have the least conflicted relationship of any couple in the history of this show, but I also feel like it lacked any sort of character exploration. In some ways, this felt like the lost Karl relationship to me, answering that question: what would Bree have been like if she actually wound up with a guy who wasn't so much like her? Unfortunately, Keith is no Karl, and if they needed to go down this road, I would have rather seen it happen last year with Karl than this year with Keith.
This season could have been much more about Bree reinventing herself than it has been. There was no fallout from her selling the business; little to no follow up with the fact that she's now a divorcee; no dealing with the fact that she's an adult with grown children--really alone for the first time. I would have rather seen her struggle with her identity in the beginning of this season and maybe find herself in a relationship in the latter half instead of what the show gave us. This show needs to remember that it's not just a romantic comedy; there are other facets of these characters to explore.
Commercials.
Time for more dialysis hijinks. Susan and Renee have arrived at the restaurant, and Susan tries to use her dialysis to cut the line, but for once it's a no go. A pushy man refuses to let Susan play the pity card: he's a diabetic; his wife has arthritis. He goes on a long diatribe about how everyone has problems, and Susan isn't special. It is amazing. More people should say this to Susan. Shot down, Susan and Renee walk away, and Susan complains that she doesn't feel well. A second later, she collapses. Renee thinks she's faking for a second, then realizes that Susan really did pass out. She yells for someone to call 911.
That night, at home, Paul sits on his bed and waits for Beth to come out of the bathroom. When she does, he picks up a suitcase and forcibly drags her downstairs. She tries to protest, but he finally confesses that he knows who she is. Beth begs him to forgive her, trying to say that she loves him, but he literally throws her out of the house. "No one could ever love me," he says, handing her her gun and slamming the door in her face. He didn't even give her her fish.
End narration: Mary Alice talks about leaving. Porter and Preston pack up their car and hit the road. Gaby and Carlos hold hands as they take a taxi home. Keith has apparently agreed to go: he packs his bag to leave. As Mary Alice sums this episode up, not once mentioning the destruction she has borne her family, Beth sadly walks down the street, realizing she has no where to go.
Overall, I'd give this episode a B. Without nitpicking, it really was stellar, but there are too many little things I can't quite let go. The one part of the episode that really worked for me was Paul's plot; it was the most brilliant, by far. Subtle and powerful, and I felt bad for every one of the characters. It's heartbreaking to see how their lives have been destroyed by one death, and a nice reminder that at one time, Mary Alice's suicide was the heart of this show. This episode did make me wonder, though, if this season might not end with Paul's suicide as well. I feel like he's headed in a downward spiral, and no one cares enough to save him.
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