DH recap: I Guess This Is Goodbye

Season Six, Episode Twenty-Three: "I Guess This Is Goodbye"

Well here we are: the finale. The episode I was counting down the minutes until it began. Fortunately, it begins exactly where I want it to: in Eddie's house just after his horrible confession. "In those first awful moments," Mary Alice explains as Lynette stares in blank terror, "all Lynette Scavo could think of were her children." Cue a series of flashbacks because what would a Mary Alice narration be without those? "The moment her daughter began to walk," --Penny toddles toward Lynette-- "the day her son won the spelling bee," --Parker runs in the house with a trophy and I am beyond ecstatic to report that it's Zane Huett playing Parker; they brought back him and the Kinsman twins for these flashbacks and it's so wonderful to see them. Now, granted, the presence of Zane Huett in particular brings up how little Joshua Logan Moore resembles him, but still! I love that kid! Even with his unfortunate shaggy haircut! Anyway, back to Mary Alice-- "and that time her twins scared her with a frog." The twins, younger and sweeter and cuter, pop out with a big frog in their hands and laugh. Back in the present, Lynette is still lost in her own thoughts as Eddie paces the room. "Yes," Mary Alice says, "this is what Lynette thought about while a disturbed young man was holding her hostage."

Slowly, Lynette comes out of her daze and finally begins to talk to Eddie, who insists that he needs time to think. "I know that you must be scared," says Lynette in her most soothing voice, "but I am your friend, Eddie. I want to help." Eddie doesn't think she can, but Lynette insists that she can go to the cops and tell them all about how Eddie's mom was a mean, abusive drunk. As she says this, Lynette steps closer to Eddie as though to comfort him, but then she literally stumbles back when Eddie says, "What about the others?"

Suddenly Lynette realizes that Eddie is responsible for all of the killings and she's terrified all over again. "Look, I don't want to hurt you," says Eddie, picking up his bag and car keys. "We'll drive until we're in the middle of nowhere. I'll drop you off and by the time you find anyone to tell I'll be gone." Lynette holds up a hand, literally trembling and fighting tears. "I can't go anywhere," she says. Then Mary Alice breaks back in to say, "Yes, all Lynette could think about were her children." As Mary Alice says this, Lynette slowly shakes her head and builds up to this perfect, horrifying moment where she tells Eddie that her water just broke. It's even more effective without the Mary Alice narration as it's shown in this sneak peek. Felicity Huffman does a superb job in this moment and because of that Mary Alice's words aren't even really necessary. But she comes back in anyway to say, "Especially the child she was about to give birth to."

Wee little credits. For the last time this season!

A nurse pushes an elderly woman in a wheelchair while Mary Alice actually gives some useful narration: "Teresa Pruitt used to be a nurse. For thirty-three years she worked in the maternity ward at Fairview Memorial Hospital." Oh, and here we go again; I guess Mary Alice is eager to get in all the flashbacks she can in this finale. A younger Teresa hands Susan a baby and if the blue blanket is any indication, it's MJ. "She spent her days caring for newborn infants," Mary Alice explains. Then the shot cuts to Gaby giving one of her girls a bath as Teresa observes. "And looking after brand new mothers." Finally the shot goes to a sleeping Lynette while Teresa gives one of her babies a bottle. Again, blue blankets, so Parker maybe? "It was a job she had loved with all her heart, but that was many years ago. Now Teresa Pruitt was back at Fairview Memorial, but this time as a patient." Back in the present, the nurse and Teresa arrive at Teresa's room; then the shot cuts to Teresa in bed. "A patient with a secret," says Mary Alice ominously.

A priest enters Teresa's room and greets her. They make a little small talk about how brave Teresa is in the face of death, but Teresa really called him there to confess her secret. And not in the traditional confession sense because she specifically tells the priest that she wants him to scream it to the rafters. "I did something awful," she says. "...the people who run this hospital need to know what I did because they have to make it right." Instantly my mother began to shout out about baby switching and I had to agree. I mean, honestly, this show has pulled out every other soap opera plot device in the book; it's about time there was a baby switch. The only question is who and why.

Cut to a different wing of the hospital. Gaby bursts in wearing a hideous gold jacket and runs up to a nurse to ask to see Nick. The nurse politely tells Gaby that visiting hours don't start until nine, but of course that doesn't fly with Gaby. In true Gaby fashion, she immediately tries to bribe the nurse with twelve dollars which quickly turns into two when she realizes she needs ten for parking. Suffice it to say, the nurse isn't going to take the bribe. Defeated, Gaby heads back to the elevator just as another nurse appears and tells nurse number one that she's needed elsewhere. Sensing a new opportunity, Gaby sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and approaches the new nurse.

"Hey, you with the ponytail! I gotta see Nick Bolen," says Gaby doing her best Angie impression. The accent and the gum chewing make for a hilarious caricature that I think is only enhanced by how much Gaby is not that person. The nurse asks if Gaby is family; Gaby lies and says she's Angie. "Really? Well then who's that blond lady who's been here?" asks the nurse. "His whore? She was here? Oh, I'm having her whacked!" HA! The nurse quickly tries to calm Gaby down by saying that she might be wrong; she suggests that she call her supervisor. "Do I look like I got time for supervisors?" asks Gaby. "I got sauce on the stove, ziti in the oven and a mustache that needs to get bleached! Let's go! Come on! Let's go!" Hee! Kudos to Eva Longoria Parker on that scene; it is by far and away the funniest moment of the episode.

The camera slowly pans up Tom's sleeping form. He's still fully dressed down to his shoes, half-covered with a blanket and snoring away on the couch. He suddenly awakens when Porter sticks a cup of coffee under his nose. I swear as I rewind this multiple times that he says, "Thank you, Parker," but I'm not sure if 1) that's an intention mess-up to further show how hungover Tom is; 2) Doug Savant just getting his Ps mixed up; or 3) my poor hearing. Anyway, Tom slowly sits up and asks, "Did we get hammered last night or what?" Porter shakes his head disapprovingly and reminds Tom that he was the only one who got drunk; he and Preston just followed him around and apologized to everyone. HA! "Another thing we won't be telling your mom," mumbles Tom in a low, sleepy voice. "Hey, do you think I woke her up when I came in?" Porter: "When you came in? No. When you jumped up on the coffee table and sang 'Margaritaville'? Maybe." Hehehe.

Preston thumps down the stairs and reports to Tom that he just went to check on Lynette and she wasn't there. More bad news: the bed looks like it wasn't even slept in. Tom's face falls. "Oh God," he says. "She did hear me. She must have stormed out of here first thing!" "But why didn't she wake you up and yell at you?" asks Porter with a big, goofy grin. Apparently he knows his mom too well. Tom's eyes widen; "Have I been stabbed?" he asks as he feels his chest. Well, that scene serves a twofold purpose of injecting more comedy into a primarily dramatic episode while simultaneously giving an explanation as to why Tom doesn't realize that Lynette is in trouble. I realize that. In context of the rest of the episode and its purpose in the plot I accept that. As a Tom/Lynette fan, I do wish that we'd gotten to see it go the route of Tom's utter anxiety about the disappearance of his wife, but que sera sera. Although I would like to point out that it's very odd that neither Parker nor Penny realizes that Lynette never came home.

Over at the Hodges, Bree cooks breakfast when Andrew and Orson enter the room. "You're back," observes Orson. "What happened with Sam?" Andrew: "Yeah, did you tell him his services were no longer needed?" I'm confused. The Sam confrontation would have been the day before; has Orson not seen Bree since yesterday? Is this another case of a husband not knowing the whereabouts of his wife? Could this more completely contradict my post-ep fanfic from last week? Not likely. Bree informs the boys that she tried to fire Sam but he responded by blackmailing her. "He knows what happened to Mrs. Solis," says Bree, staring at Andrew pointedly. The blood drains from Andrew's face, but Orson doesn't understand. He thinks Bree is referring to Gaby. "I'm talking about Carlos' mother," says Bree. "Ten years ago she died after being hit by a car that Andrew was driving." Finally, Orson understands.

Bree goes on to explain that Danielle was the one who blurted out the secret as some lame form of bonding (remember when she tried to bond with Matthew Applewhite the same way?). "Wait a minute," says Orson. "You never told Carlos and Gaby?" Bree: "Of course not! It would have destroyed the friendship. Not to mention Carlos would have sent Andrew to jail." Andrew asks what Sam wants; Bree tells them and also adds that she's decided to give in to Sam's demands. "Are you crazy?" asks Andrew. Calmly, Bree explains her reasoning, which is primarily that she doesn't want Andrew to go to jail, but Andrew tells her that maybe it's time he paid for what he did. "Absolutely not!" says Bree. Orson tries to interject and say that if Andrew wants to confess that she should let him, but Bree puts her foot down. "Orson, this is really just between me and my son. Would you mind?" With a heartbroken look, Orson wheels out of the room.

Back at the hospital, Gaby throws a glass of water in Nick's face to wake him up. "What's going on?" he asks sleepily. "Why am I wet?" Quickly, Gaby crumples the Dixie cup in her fist to get rid of the evidence. Without further ado, she launches into an explanation of why she's there and even shows Nick the note Angie sent her. "There was a guy with her! He said he was her brother," Gaby says when Nick doesn't instantly understand. For some reason that, finally, catches Nick up. "She doesn't have a brother," he says. Man, he must have been an ace detective, let me tell you. "Is it Patrick Logan?" asks Gaby and this launches into a recap of how Angie told her all about Patrick on their little jaunt to New York. Nick struggles to get out of bed and Gaby panics; "Why can't we just call the cops?" she asks. "Because the second Patrick Logan feels cornered, Angie and Danny are dead." Suddenly he gets woozy; he tells Gaby that she's going to need to help him. Reluctantly, Gaby agrees.

In more Bolen action, Angie's bomb is all done and sitting prettily in front of Patrick. "When you push the detonator you've got thirty seconds 'til it blows," she explains as Patrick grins like a fool. "You got what you wanted. You gonna let us go now?" Well of course not. He tells Angie that she's going to come with him to Oregon just in case the bomb is a dud; Patrick doesn't exactly trust Angie any more. He won't even let Danny go because he wants to be able to kill both him and Angie if the bomb doesn't work. Father of the year right here, folks. "So, you sure you're done?" he asks. Angie says she'll take another look.

Commercials.

In an effort to move out more quickly than any other couple in the history of the world, Susan and Mike are having a yard sale. As Susan brings out some golf clubs to add to the mix, Roy approaches her with a toy T-Rex and says that he wants to buy it for his grandson who is visiting. "How 'bout we give you a hundred bucks?" asks Karen sweetly. Susan points out that the tag says fifty cents, but Karen wants to help out. "Thank you, but we're not looking for a handout. Just a hand," says Susan as she gives Karen a peck on the cheek.

Mike brings out another box and tells Susan that Lee just called; he found a renter for them. Susan lies that she's excited, but before Mike can respond another neighbor asks Susan how much she wants for her dining room set. Susan tells her three hundred and immediately the neighbor starts to haggle; she wants it for fifty dollars. What a cheapskate. "I thought you weren't looking for a handout, just a hand," the neighbor says when Susan makes a face. "That's not a hand, that's a finger," says Susan. HA! The neighbor continues to try to talk the price down, even after Karen interjects to tell her to have a heart. At this point, Susan finally loses her cool and kicks the woman off of her property. In the spirit of a child, the woman steps onto the sidewalk and points out that she's no longer on Susan's property. Rightfully, Susan launches into a pissed off speech that ends with this gem: "If you don't get out of my face I'm going to ram this Thighmaster down your throat." Finally the neighbor agrees to pay the three hundred. Mike looks concerned. Or constipated. I can't tell.

Back at Eddie's, he's found Lynette some aspirin in a misguided thought that that will help with her labor pains; Lynette, now in the throes of labor, is quick to point out that won't work. "I need you to take me to a hospital," she insists. "No, you'll tell someone about me!" says Eddie. Poor Lynette, who is in so much pain she's pulling her hair, groans, "Eddie, I swear to God I don't care about you right now. All I care about is this baby. Please."

Outside, Tom pulls up in the family hearse. Okay, not really, it's just that ugly ass car the Scavos have owned since season five. Over the phone Tom explains to Porter that he found Lynette (he recognizes her car) and that if he's not home in fifteen minutes it means that Lynette didn't accept his apology and "it was fun being your dad." Heh!

Back inside, Eddie finally agrees to take Lynette to the hospital, and he helps her get to her feet. And with his usual impeccable timing, Tom chooses that moment to knock on the door. "Eddie, it's Tom!" he calls and in a split second, Lynette's face lights up and she goes to scream to her husband. Eddie, fast as lightning, wraps an arm around her neck and covers her mouth with his other hand. "I need to talk to Lynette!" Tom continues. Although Lynette is obviously trying and failing to scream to her husband, Eddie still hisses at her to be quiet. "Honey, I can see your car! I know you're in there. Lynette?" Suddenly another contraction starts and as Lynette convulses in pain, she and Eddie lose their footing and fall back on the couch; Eddie manages to maintain his grip on her, though. As Lynette clutches a pillow and silently moans, Tom yells, "Okay, I get it! You're giving me the silent treatment. Well when you cool off I will be home with a gigantic bouquet of your favorite flowers." As much as I want to see Tom kick down the door and rescue his wife, unfortunately it's not in the cards. Tom leaves and slowly Eddie releases Lynette.

Lynette is half-crying, half-moaning as Eddie makes pathetic apologies. "I had to do it," he says, but then to make up for it he promises to take Lynette to the hospital. "It's too late," she says miserably. "This baby is coming now and you have to help me deliver it."

Commercials.

Back at the hospital, an administrator is in his office when the priest from earlier enters the room. He informs the man, a Mr. Chase, that Teresa Pruitt is dead (but we hardly knew, ye, baby switcher!) and that on her deathbed she confessed something to him. Mr. Chase points out confession is supposed to be confidential, but the priest says Teresa wanted him to know. But we don't get the pleasure, apparently, because the show cuts away then and goes back to Susan who sits in her near-empty living room counting money.

"Hey lady," Mike greets as he comes into the room, "unless you want to get carried into the truck you better get off that chair." Susan gives him a disdainful look and I can't blame her. Just then MJ runs into the room and asks if anyone has seen his T-Rex. "No, honey, we sold it to Roy," says Susan. "No!" MJ whines. Susan: "Yeah. You put him in the sale pile." MJ: "What's a sale pile?" Oh boy. This kid really never does win, does he? Mike and Susan exchange worried looks and Mike explains that MJ can't get T-Rex back because they sold him. "We're getting it back!" Susan butts in, leaping up from her seat and stuffing her cash into her back pocket. Mike looks at her in confusion. "Thank you, Mommy," says MJ; he glares at Mike. HA! Awesome. MJ leaves.

"Susan, I don't think you should have promised him that," says Mike. "Roy bought it for his grandson." Susan: "It's bad enough that we are dragging him from the only home he has ever lived in, moving across town where he doesn't know a single soul. If that silly dinosaur brings him a moment's comfort then we need to march over there and take it back!" "What the hell," agrees Mike. "We're moving. Let's go piss off some neighbors." Nice. Piss off the only ones nice enough to come to your garage sale and offer you way too much money for a crappy toy.

Cut to the dynamic duo explaining the situation to Roy, who says he understands but that he already gave T-Rex to his grandson. "Oh, I remember when we gave it to MJ," says Susan faux-sympathetically. "Right after his puppy died." "Okay, okay," agrees Roy. "Let's go get it before you take out your violin."

The group goes into the house and find Roy's grandson asleep on the couch with the dinosaur. Roy wants to wake him up, but Susan says he should just slip T-Rex out of his arms and they'll leave a note. Oh Susan. Just when you were scoring some points with me. Roy tries to take the toy, but the grandchild wakes up the second he feels it leaving his arms. It's then that Roy begins to sign to him and the Delfinos realize the boy is deaf. Roy and the kid start to fight over the toy. "Shouldn't we stop this?" asks Mike. "Let's let it play out," says Susan.

In more nefarious goings on, Bree is signing over her company to Sam. The "B" in her signature oddly resembles a "P." With an oddly satisfied sigh, Bree hands Sam the contract and tells him he's now the sole owner of her company. Fortunately, Bree managed to stick in a clause that Sam will have to pay her loads of cash if he breaths a word of Andrew's involvement in Juanita's death. "Don't worry, I'm much better at keeping secrets than your daughter," he says. Yeah, except for the one about your paternity. And that one about your mother. Shut up, Sam. "One can only hope," says Bree, probably cursing Danielle in her mind. She sits down and Sam turns to leave.

"I didn't want it to be this way," Sam says before he goes. "And I understand if you need to hate me." How is this guy not a serial killer? He's heartless enough to be. "I don't hate you, Sam," says Bree. "I feel sorry for you. You came into my life hoping to be a part of my family and all you're leaving with is a client list, some mixing bowls and my name. Well you'll soon see that's not enough. You'll always have a hole in your heart because you don't really care about anybody. And I have a horrible feeling that no one will ever really care about you. Now, would you please be a dear and close the door on your way out of my life." It's odd how hopeful this scene comes off. I expected that when Bree sold her company it would be a heartbreaking moment, but it really seems like she feels as though this is just a bump in the road. As if she'll be back on top in no time. I like that for a lot of reasons including the dichotomy it will give a later scene in comparison and also because it depicts Bree as having real strength. Sam, on the other hand, just looks puzzled. I guess robots don't care if they're beloved or not.

Over at the Bolens, Patrick marches Angie down the hall to Danny's room and insists that she say goodbye while he puts the bomb in the trunk of the car. Angie enters the room and I laugh and laugh because the stupid pants Danny's wearing make it seem like he forgot to put on pants at all. It looks especially ridiculous because he's still tied to that chair. Out in the hall, Patrick opens a closet and hides the bomb inside. Apparently his true intention is to kill his son. Awesome. Back in the other room, Danny's crying because he thinks Patrick will never let Angie go. Angie says that she doesn't know how things will play out, but that Danny has to know she didn't have any choices left. Just then, Patrick opens the door and tells Angie it's time to go. He doesn't even bother to say goodbye to his son. Double awesome.

Lynette is propped up on some pillows with her dress hiked up, her knees spread and Eddie sitting uncomfortably with his arms out and his head turned away. It's tragically awkward. He tells Lynette to push again, but she yells at him that he has to look. "But it's so gross!" Eddie whines. Dude, this is your punishment for not letting her husband into the house. If you had, he could totally be the one delivering this baby right now. This is like the birth for which the Scavos have been training for years. The last mile in a marathon. "I don't care!" snaps Lynette over Eddie's disgust. "You're going to have to catch her! Go!" HA! That shouldn't be at all funny, but I love how clinical Lynette is about this whole thing. It's like she's going to get through this horrible, horrible situation no matter what.

Reluctantly, Eddie turns his head to watch for the baby and Lynette starts to push. "I see something!" he exclaims as though he's surprised. "I think it's the head!" God, Let's hope so. Suddenly Eddie tells Lynette that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck. "What?" gasps Lynette. She freaks out a little as Eddie tells her the baby is turning blue, but then, in what is perhaps the most amazing moment ever, Lynette suddenly becomes calm and rational and gives Eddie explicit instructions about what to do: hook the umbilical cord under his finger and pull it over the baby's head. Thank God she popped out so many other kids. I'm just saying. Eddie says he can't do it. "Listen to me," says Lynette, "you have the chance to save a life. Please!" Terrified, Eddie nods and does as Lynette says. When he finishes, Lynette gives one more big push and the baby is born.

"She's okay?" Lynette immediately asks as Eddie hands the baby over to her. She very sincerely thanks Eddie. Eddie's crying, Lynette's crying, the baby is crying, I'm crying. This is a very emotional moment. "I know. I know," Lynette coos to her daughter, kissing her little hand.

Commercials.

Susan and Mike arrive home to find MJ sitting on the porch; immediately he jumps up and asks where T-Rex is. "I'm sorry, sweetie," says Susan. "T-Rex is extinct." Man, how many more times can Susan make promises she can't keep before this kid stops trusting her. "But he's mine!" insists MJ as the Delfinos enter their house. "That's not fair!" Aw, man, little kid logic is hard to watch sometimes. "MJ, that's life," says Susan. "Life isn't always fair. Sometimes you can be a good person and you can do the right thing and life still won't give you your dinosaur back." Nice metaphor, Susan. Mike rolls his eyes. Douche. I can mock Susan, you can't. That's the way it is. Not fair, is it? "In other words," says Mike, taking MJ firmly by the shoulder, "we're gonna take you to Pizza World and you can play all the video games you want." This time Mike wins MJ's smile and Susan gets the glare, complete with a little eyebrow raise. Hee! That kid can't get any cuter. MJ runs out of the room.

"Susan, life didn't take your dinosaur! I did!" barks Mike. "So please, just let me have it!" Finally, Susan tells Mike off. "Okay. Yeah. I resent you. I love you. I respect you. But you know what? You blew it! And thanks to you I have to leave the home where I raised my children!" You tell him, Susan. She points out the woodwork where she tracked Julie's and MJ's heights (although, as was pointed out to me by two different people, Edie burned Susan's house down in season 2, so how could Julie's heights still be intact?). Susan begins to earnestly cry and Mike acts like he's just been waiting for this. I think he's supposed to be sympathetic and understanding, but it just comes off as condescending and impatient. I can't stand Mike right now, even as he pulls Susan into a comforting hug. "We're gonna get it back. I promise," he says. Then he picks up a hammer and jimmies the height-tracking board off the wall in two seconds; I question the quality of Susan's home. Susan kisses Mike.

Orson sips tea in the dining room when Bree comes in and cheerfully announces that she signed over the company. "So you did it," says Orson with a bitter nod. "You actually gave up a business you spent eight years building." Bree says that she can always start a new company but she could never send her son to jail. Wow. It's like she can't even see the quicksand she's stepped into.

"You sent me to jail," observes Orson, stopping Bree in her tracks. Somehow, she actually tries to argue that it was a completely different situation. The only differences were that Andrew was drunk and never showed an iota of remorse. Bree's hypocrisy amazes me sometimes; of course, over this matter it's been amazing me for quite some time. Orson points out what everyone knows: the situations are actually remarkably similar. "Andrew was a child at the time," says Bree. Orson: "He's not anymore." As Orson wheels from the dining room into the foyer, he asks Bree why she wanted him to go to jail to atone for his crimes but not Andrew. Bree apologizes (two in one season?! Holy crap!) and says that she never should have made Orson go to jail. "I don't want an apology!" snaps Orson. "I respected you for demanding better of me! You showed me you had principles and ideals! You insisted I live up to your standards and I loved you for it!" Bree: "What are you saying?"

Orson says that from the moment Bree explained what was going on (that morning?), he'd seen it as a test of her morals. She failed the test miserably. He announces that he's packed a suitcase and is leaving her. "You are not the woman I thought you were," he says sadly. "For God's sake, Orson," says Bree, actually getting down on her knees, "he's my son. I have no choice." "We always have a choice," says Orson, shaking his head sadly. "And I no longer choose to be your husband." Wow, these two are really tough on each other. As much as I've wanted Orson to find out about this and call Bree on her hypocrisy, I never wanted them to break up. Of course, this is about the tenth time they've threatened to get divorced; it's becoming a bit like the boy who cried wolf. Maybe that's why although this is sad, I'm not heartbroken.

Well, it's about time Gaby showed up on the Lane. Look at all the things the other girls have accomplished in the time it took her to get home: Susan had a yard sale; Lynette had a baby; Bree signed over her business and broke up with Orson. Did she get lost or something? In her car, Gaby and Nick come up with a quick plan to rescue Danny and Angie: Gaby will distract Patrick while Nick sneaks into the house. Crackerjack plan, kids. Nick thanks Gaby for all her help; he can't believe she's doing this for him. This launches Gaby into a speech about how she knows what it's like to have secrets, how lonely it is, etc. It all leads up to the punchline that Nick has passed out. Gaby shakes him, but he doesn't wake up.

Lynette, amazingly, is still sitting on the couch where she had the baby. It's gross enough that she's still held hostage and can't really clean up, but does she really have to be sitting in whatever came out of her? My disgusting thoughts aside, she's very preoccupied with her daughter while Eddie sits and watches them. "She's so small," he says. Lynette grins at the baby; clearly she only has eyes for her little girl right now. "Not for long," she says. "They grow up so quickly." "I wish I could see her grow up," says Eddie wistfully. Finally, Lynette looks at him and under her gaze, Eddie becomes fidgety; he says he has to go. "If you could just wait awhile before you call the police..."

"Wait!" calls Lynette just as Eddie reaches the door. "That day you left my house you told me your life would have turned out different if I had been your mom." The shot cuts to a close up on Eddie's face; he looks concerned and guilty. Lynette continues: "So I'm gonna be your mom now. Will you listen to me?" Eddie gives a slight nod. "I don't think you should leave. I think you should stay here. And call the police." "I can't," says Eddie. Lynette: "Yes you can!" Quietly, Eddie tells her that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in jail. "Honey, don't you see you're already there? No matter where you run to in your head you will still be angry. You'll still be in pain. And as long as you want to keep hurting people you will never be free." Openly crying, Eddie finally turns to face Lynette; "I'll be good. I swear," he promises weakly. Lynette: "But people will never see that you're good unless you show them! Please, if you pick up the phone, they will know. And I will be so proud of you."

Without a word, Eddie leaves the house. Lynette begins to cry, but the mere seconds later the door opens and Eddie reenters the house. "Will you call them for me?" he manages to ask before bursting into tears. And now I'm crying again too. Damn. "Of course," says Lynette. Eddie sits down on the couch as Lynette reaches for the phone. Then, in a moment that completely shows just what an incredible person Lynette is, she hands the baby to Eddie while she calls 911.

Commercials.

Gaby is on the phone with the hospital trying to get advice on how to wake someone up from something between a coma and a nap. Nice. "How should I know if he's clammy? I left him in the car," she says. HA! Susan knocks on the door and starts to come in uninvited, but Gaby cuts her off at the door. "Just came to say goodbye," says Susan. "Okay. Great. See ya!" says Gaby as she starts to shut the door. Susan tries to explain that this is the final goodbye--a fact we'll later see is not true--since tomorrow is moving day. "I'll catch ya when I catch ya," says Gaby as she shuts the door in Susan's face. HA!

The hospital has hung up on Gaby--I can't imagine why--so she has to come up with a new plan. It involves running outside to catch Susan and pretending that she couldn't deal with a goodbye. She gives Susan a big hug and then tells her that Angie is going to be devastated too. She thinks Susan should go over and say a long goodbye. Susan is skeptical; she reminds Gaby that she almost crushed Danny with a car (and also her daughter had an affair with Angie's husband, but Susan doesn't mention that), but Gaby insists. She ushers Susan across the street, pushes her toward the door and then runs like crazy. She ends up in the side yard where there's a handy trellis to climb to the second floor.

Inside the house, Patrick drags Angie downstairs and uncuffs her. They're interrupted by the doorbell; Angie looks out the window and sees that it's Susan and of course Patrick pulls out his gun and tells Angie to get rid of her. Same old, same old. Angie opens the door. "Tomorrow's moving day," says Susan. "I just came to say goodbye." Angie: "Okay...Bye." She shuts the door. Awesome.

Cut to the garage. Patrick helps Angie into the passenger's seat. The the shot cuts to Danny's room, where Gaby has managed to successfully climb to the second story. She scampers inside and says she'll get Danny out of there.

Outside, Patrick drives down the cul de sac and stops the car just after the turn-around. He asks Angie if the range on the detonator is two hundred yards and she confirms. "Why?" she asks. There's an ominous shot of the Bolens' house. Inside, Gaby is hurriedly rescuing Danny, who, as usual, doesn't have a clue about what's going on. Back to the car. Angie asks Patrick what he's doing and Patrick starts to wax poetic about the morning Angie disappeared twenty years ago. Apparently she really hurt him. Surprise! "So I decided one day, I would find you. And I would punish you. And today is that day, my love." Angie asks where the bomb is. Patrick tells her that she has thirty seconds to rescue Danny after he hits the detonator, which he does.

Angie leaps out of the car and starts to run down the street. As the music gets more and more dramatic, there are quick cuts of Patrick laughing evilly, Angie running, the timer on the bomb going down and Gaby untying Danny. Just as Angie nears her house, she stops running and turns to face Patrick; he looks confused. Angie just gives a little wave and says, "It's in the detonator." "You bitch," says Patrick as he stares at the detonator. The car blows up and Patrick is gone! Amazing. They somehow made Angie cool in her last ten minutes on the show. If only they had succeeded in making me care about her. They did it with Eddie in a shorter amount of time, so I know it can be done. Oh well. Better luck next year, show.

Inside, Danny has just been freed when he hears the explosion. He and Gaby immediately run outside and find Angie staring at the burned remains of the car. Amazingly, not one other person on the street has come outside. Remember when they used to care?

Commercials.

That night at a bus terminal, Gaby hands Angie a envelope stuffed fat with cash. Angie says that Gaby's being too generous, but Gaby insists. Of course, she does have to take back ten for parking. Heh. Angie falls just short of saying the episode title word for word and Gaby looks sad. I didn't realize their bonding in New York was that poignant. Silly me. "You know, it's funny," says Angie, "Nick had to drag me here kicking and screaming. He told me it would be a good place to blend in because people wave at you from behind their little picket fences, but they would never get involved. They don't care. Thank God you proved him wrong." The girls hug and then Gaby leaves. Instead of ending there and giving some time to a scene I might actually want to see like, oh, say, Tom finding out about the birth of his child, the camera stays with Angie as she heads over to join Nick and Danny.

Nick and Angie surprise Danny with a ticket to New York instead of to Atlanta with them. Turns out they want him to go join Ana and live a life independent from them. Danny isn't quite ready for this big life step, but Angie insists. You know, if I cared about anything but how much valuable time these characters are taking up in an episode with so much else going on then I might actually feel bad for Danny. I mean, yes, it sucks that he'll probably never see his parents again, which is what Angie slowly explains to him. But I don't care! Plus, how funny would it be if Ana had moved on (which, let's face it, is a real possibility)? Oh boy. Wait, they're STILL saying goodbye. Ugh. Finally, Nick and Danny hug while Danny says some bull about Nick teaching him to be a man. Whatever, Bolens. Just GO AWAY. Danny and Angie hug and then finally they part ways. Good riddance.

The next morning, Bree stands by Orson's abandoned bed considering the shattered remains of a marriage she spent a majority of the season wanting to dissolve. Andrew suddenly enters with no pretense and asks why all of Orson's stuff is gone. "He left me," says Bree succinctly, fighting back tears. Andrew asks why and Bree says that Orson thinks she's a hypocrite. "That's ridiculous," says Andrew. Not so much, kiddo. In fact, I'd say it's typical of Bree, but this was finally an instance too awful to ignore. Anyway, Bree agrees that she is. "Is there anything I can do?" asks Andrew. "You can give me your permission to do something I should have done a long time ago," says Bree.

Cut to Mr. Chase and two other hospital administrator types discussing what the priest told Chase. "This is bad," the female one states. They talk about covering it up and paying the priest off, but ultimately decide it's a bad idea. Good call, people. The female points out that a lawsuit could ruin the hospital. Suddenly, Mr. Chase reads something in the folder he's holding and looks horrified. "I know one of these families," he says. "They live two blocks from me on Wisteria Lane." Well knock me over with a feather, buddy. I'm shocked. The other guy thinks that qualifies Chase to break the bad news. Chase: "How do you tell parents that the child they're raising, the child that they love, isn't really theirs?"

Cue Penny, MJ, Juanita and Celia running down the street past Bree, who crosses the street to join the congregation outside of the Delfinos'. Amazingly, Lynette has somehow recovered enough from yesterday to be at this little farewell gathering. She is the toughest broad in the world. Susan says that her moving isn't a big deal; she's just moving across town and she'll see the girls Friday for poker. Lynette says they better or they'll hunt Susan down and drag her back. The girls make a little small talk about the mysterious guy who rented the house; Susan doesn't even know his name, which is odd. Susan makes a sentimental little speech about how much the girls mean to her, but amazingly she doesn't cry. I guess she released it all the day before.

Mike comes over and says that it's time to go. The girls begin to make their excuses to leave (Lynette: "I should go check on Tom and the baby. I'm sure one or both will need to be fed.") and Bree says she has to tell Gaby something. "It's the kind of thing that could end our friendship," she says. Really, it kind of saved Gaby's ass back then, though. Carlos is going to flip out, of course. Unfortunately, that's going to have to wait until next season.

In the car, Susan asks Mike to drive slowly down the street so she can enjoy the view one last time. "As they pulled away," says Mary Alice, "Susan looked out at the street she loved so much." Cut to Lynette sitting on her porch swing as Tom hands her the baby. "A street where parents could raise their children," --the next shot is of Roy and Karen walking down the Lane hand-in-hand-- "where retirees could enjoy their golden years," --finally, Gaby and Bree walk down the street together talking-- "where good friends could share horrible secrets." Back in the car, Susan looks a little teary-eyed. "Yes, Susan looked on this street and vowed she would be back." The shot becomes aerial as Susan and Mike drive past a black car and Mary Alice says, "But as she did so, she didn't notice the car that passed her." The car pulls into Susan and Mike's driveway and a foot the music says is creepy steps out. "A car carrying Wisteria Lane's newest resident."

The new guy and Lee walk into the house talking about paperwork. Lee gives a spiel about how great the street is, and the new neighbor says, "Oh, I know the neighborhood very well." The camera finally pulls back to reveal his face: it's Paul Young! Out of prison! Well, hey Paul! "The truth is, I used to live here." Lee says that everyone will be surprised to see him again. Paul: "They absolutely will." HA! But Susan was like his arch-nemesis and she's gone; what will Paul do for fun now? Wreck her house I guess. Heh. Whatever it is will have to wait until next season.

Well that was a superb finale; definitely one of the better ones this show has done. It was equal parts suspenseful and touching with just a dash of comedy and it turned out very well. I do wish that maybe it could have been a tad bit longer or that at least it cut out that final Bolen scene for something else, but that's just a tiny nitpick. And maybe the DVD deleted scenes will give me what I want. Overall I'd give this one an A+. It was the perfect end to this season.

And now there's just one excruciating long summer to get through. How long 'til spoilers start?