Gaby stands in her kitchen pouring a cereal called Kids into a bowl. Kids, by the way, looks suspiciously like Trix. Remember when Trix used to be good? That was before they changed the taste of it. Man I miss that. I wonder if Trix disguised as Kids is any better. Plus, as my friend pointed out, Kids is an awesome cereal name: Oh I'm eating a bowl of Kids. Classic. Mary Alice is less concerned about the cereal, though, and more concerned with what Gaby has learned since becoming a mother. It's too bad because this cereal thing could be a real eye-opener. Especially compared to what Gaby has learned: how to get gum off of a remote control (scrape it off); how to rescue a doll from the disposal (pull it out); and where to find disappointing report cards (under a pillow). Yeah, not too impressed. I think I win this one, Mary Alice; cereal trumps Gaby's mother-knowledge. No? Not interested? Damn.
"Gabrielle had also learned that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't please everyone." In this case, it's Juanita, who apparently has no desire to eat Kids. See, funny! Gaby basically tells Juanita to suck it up and then screams for Celia to come down for breakfast. Meanwhile, Juanita gripes about how Ana used to make her bacon for breakfast. Yeah. As if I believe that one, Juanita. Nice try. Oh, and then Gaby adds that Ana used to do the laundry and the windows. Clearly I've misjudged Ana. Or maybe this is just the first sign that this episode has entered a parallel universe where children behave directly opposite of how they always have before. Hmm.
Gaby calls for Celia again and Juanita mentions that she needs three dozen cupcakes for school that day. Just then, Celia finally appears and actually speaks! See! More proof that this is an odd day for the kids of
At first Gaby thinks they're mosquito bites, but Carlos quickly figures out that it's chicken pox. Gaby's first concern: she doesn't have time for sick kids. Well I'd agree, since she just unceremoniously dumped all of her just-folded laundry back into the basket. No wonder she has no time if she's doing all her housework twice. Carlos tells Gaby to forget the dry cleaning and get Celia to the doctor and it's then that Gaby mentions that she's never had the chicken pox. Immediately Carlos goes from blase to concerned; he tells Gaby that chicken pox are dangerous for adults and that she needs to get out of the house ASAP. Gaby tries to protest that she has stuff to do around the house. Carlos: "I will take care of the house!" At that, Gaby shoves her laundry basket into Carlos' arms and says, "See ya!"
Wee little credits. They're so cute!
A man and a woman who I thought was Teri Hatcher at first glance but definitely isn't are making out in a bedroom. "Seduction," Mary Alice says, not nearly as seductively as she could. "Any soap opera fan will tell you it's an art best practiced on those who are vulnerable." Yeah. Or horny. Or on the run from some elaborate plot to frame one or both of them for murder. Or trapped on an island. I miss Days sometimes.
The camera pulls back from the couple to reveal that they're just two actors on a soap opera Katherine is watching while she cooks French toast. Both my sister and my mother commented that Katherine is dressed like June Cleaver in this scene, so I suppose it bears mentioning. She even has pearls. Just then Robin comes downstairs wearing a matching bra and panties set and a pink robe that she has opened to reveal everything. Katherine asks if she's hungry; Robin: "Oh, I am now!" Katherine finally looks at Robin and starts a little at the sight of her wearing next-to-nothing. Of course she doesn't comment and just goes back to cooking.
Robin sits down at the table and Katherine comes over to pour syrup on her breakfast. Seductively (see, I picked up on your theme, Mary Alice!), Robin presses her breasts together and compliments Katherine's cooking. Katherine totally checks out her boobs. Nice one, Katherine. Abruptly, Katherine goes to the counter to drink some coffee and Robin takes a bite of the French toast, dribbling syrup all over her breasts. She draws attention to this fact and Katherine gets all hot and bothered watching Robin lick syrup off of her bra. Slinking toward Robin, Katherine offers to remove her bra for her and just as she reaches back to undo the clasp...
Katherine wakes up in bed, panting, and glares at the TV, which is playing the same soap that was in her dream. And quite honestly, the fact that it was a dream makes me feel better. That was getting a little too much like some weird male porno fantasy for a minute. If that sort of cliche was their big plan for Katherine's lesbian plotline, I would have been really disappointed and slightly disgusted. As it is, though, this dream comes into play later and I actually like the conversation that results. Not that I doubt for a second that that scene was directed primarily at horny men. Moving on...
Robin knocks on Katherine's bedroom door and comes in. She asks Katherine what she wants for breakfast and Katherine says anything but French toast. Hardy har har.
Over at the Scavos', Lynette is watching the same soap opera while she pours cereal into a bowl. It doesn't look like Kids, unfortunately. Suddenly, Tom switches off the television and announces that he has the perfect name for the baby. Lynette nods encouragingly and Tom suggests Patricia. So if they hadn't lost their other baby he wanted twins named Patrick and Patricia? Wow, Tom. You just took awful, cutesy twin names to a whole new level. Also the name Patricia...meh. Lynette agrees with me and vetoes Tom's suggestion without much consideration. "I told you," she says, "I want to honor my aunt. We're naming her Polly." She smiles and rubs her belly; it's really cute. "Polly," says Tom skeptically. "Oh, okay. You get a peg leg, I'll get an eye patch and we'll carry her around on our shoulders." Heh. Personally I like Polly better than Patricia; also I think it fits into their "P" scheme better.
Before Tom and Lynette can argue any more, Penny runs downstairs and sits at the kitchen table with a big smile on her face. Lynette brings her the bowl of cereal she poured and kisses her on the head; Penny's face falls. "Where are my pancakes?" she asks. Lynette waves her off, promising to make pancakes that weekend, and prompting Penny to respond, "But I always get pancakes on my birthday." Lynette stares at her for a second and then turns to Tom; both of them share horrified expressions and it's clear that they completely forgot their daughter's birthday.
Improvising, Lynette tells Penny that she and Tom planned something better than a special breakfast this year. Of course Penny wants to know what and Lynette does her patented nervous laugh. "Like I'm going to tell you and ruin the big surprise," she lies. Panicked, she and Tom turn their backs on Penny. "How could you forget her birthday?" demands Tom. "Me?" asks Lynette. "I'm pregnant! I forget pants sometimes! What's your excuse?"
"What's my surprise?" Penny asks excitedly. Lynette and Tom turn around to give her reassuring smiles and then go back to conspiring. Unfortunately, the best Lynette comes up with is to ask Tom to cover her as she treads into this utter mess. They turn around to face Penny again and Lynette immediately launches into a speech about how birthday breakfasts are for kids. "Now that you're eleven, I was planning to make you the...best...birthday...dinner ever." Despite Lynette's attempts to go into sales pitch mode here, Penny isn't buying it; her face falls. Still, Lynette keeps trying to sell it, mentioning decorations, tons of presents and pin the tale on the donkey. Between Penny's face and her realization that she's totally blowing it, Lynette becomes less and less convincing as she goes on. "You forgot my birthday," says Penny, getting up from the table. "Wow."
Dejected, Lynette turns back to Tom who merely says, "There was no covering that, babe." Real helpful there, Tom. Lynette hangs her head in failure.
On a Sprint phone (does any other kind exist in DH world?), Andrew and another man are watching the same soap opera. Unfortunately, Bree doesn’t care about the must-see drama and snatches the phone away. Bree, by the way, is wearing a rather hideous top: it’s like flowers sprouted on her chest in a sad, gray color that doesn’t exist on flowers in nature. It makes me sad. Also it looks cheap and I’d bet good money that in reality it isn’t, which makes it extra awful.
Andrew tells Bree that he and Tad were just taking a break. Bree doesn’t care and asks to speak to Andrew alone; it takes Tad awhile to get the message, but eventually he leaves. “What’s up?” asks Andrew; he’s sporting hair that’s coiffed like one of the T-birds in Grease. Bree tells him that the flower arrangements they ordered arrived: all one hundred of them. Too bad they actually only need ten. Turns out Tad filled out the order form wrong. D’oh! Andrew says he’ll take care of it, but Bree wants to know exactly what he’s going to say. “Look, when Orson had his accident did you or did you not put me in charge?” asks Andrew. Bree agrees that she did, but adds that she’s “starting to think [he’s] not ready.” Ouch. Also since when is Andrew incompetent at this job? As I recall, he was already primarily handling the business end of this deal anyway, so what did his new duties include exactly? Was he cooking? I’d say that’s doubtful especially since Bree was catering an event just last week. This show is usually really good about not rewriting history like this; if they’re going to start getting sloppy with no explanation then I’m going to get disappointed quickly.
Guess what?
“Are you serious?” asks
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Bob mixes a drink and asks Lee why Gaby brought so many suitcases if she's only staying a couple of days. Lee: "She said most of her dresses haven't had chicken pox either." Most? Which ones did? Bob looks at Lee in disbelief. Just then Gaby comes downstairs in a bathrobe looking refreshed. "That was amazing," she says. "I just took a nap in the middle of the day." Bob mentions that things must be a little different without her kids around and Gaby says that she hasn't taken a nap since Juanita crowned. But aren't you supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps? Did she never let those girls nap? That might explain some things.
Bob offers Gaby a pre-dinner cocktail and she's impressed not only by the alcohol but by the crystal glass. Gaby makes a couple more references to her unrefined, kid-friendly life (such as only seeing kid movies) and then downs her entire cocktail in one gulp. Lee quickly refills her glass. "I know I don't know you guys that well," says Gaby, "but I love you." I like that they've been neighbors for about eight years, Gaby claims not to know them well, and yet she's crashing there instead of with one of her many girl friends on the street. Interesting.
In what I'm sure ended up being a busy day, Tom and Lynette have hung a giant happy birthday sign along with streamers and balloons in their kitchen. They even all have party hats. However, there only appears to be one present on the table. I know it's last minute, but they forgot her birthday; couldn't they spring for a few more? Anyway, Tom, Penny and Lynette sit at the table while Porter stands and sucks in helium from a balloon. He talks in a squeaky voice, much to the delight of the table, and then Lynette announces that it's time for cake. "I got your favorite," she says. "Chocolate?" cries Penny. Ah, a girl after my own heart. Lynette blanches. "I got your second favorite." Wow, Lynette is really not having a good day.
Lynette pulls the cake out of a bakery box and Porter comes up beside her to light the candles. He asks if he can leave since he has a date in a half an hour. "No you cannot go!" says Lynette. "Preston's in
Lynette brings the cake over and Tom gets the video camera ready to record. Just as Lynette counts them down to sing, Penny interrupts to ask who Polly is. A shot of the cake shows that it does indeed read, "Happy Birthday Polly." Wow. This might just beat that time Lynette killed Parker's imaginary friend as her worst mothering moment. She's appalled and Tom immediately starts looking for the erase button on the camera. I think that's called rewinding and recording over, Tom. Lynette quickly starts apologizing and launches into an explanation of how she has pregnant brain and she and Tom were discussing baby names, etc., etc. Porter squeezes Penny's arm reassuringly. "Let me fix this," Lynette cries, and she picks up a knife to smear over the name Polly. "Hey, that just made it worse!" she says, her tone almost hysterical with forced optimism. "How would you like a puppy?" And really, they could have completely capped the scene here by having Penny remind Lynette that she is, in fact, allergic to dogs, but instead Penny just tells her to forget it and storms off. "But you haven't opened your presents yet!" Oh good, there's more than one. "Come back!" Porter leans in and says, "Penny." Lynette: "I know her name!"
The next day, Nick Bolen washes dishes while watching the news. And once again he's wearing a shirt that is too small for him. What is up with this guy? He may be the worst dressed person in the history of Desperate Housewives. Angie suddenly storms in and fumes about how Danny left them a note saying he was going camping with his friend Eddie. Okay, first off all, Angie is kind of overreacting here. Danny is nineteen. Second of all, it is SO NOT THE NEXT DAY, so neither Angie or Nick has noticed their son has been gone for at least (and I stress, AT LEAST) two days. So in an episode all about bad parenting, I may have to nominate this as the worst.
Nick doesn't care that Danny is gone. In fact, all he says is, "Good for him." Angie: "He's never been by himself!" Oh my God, the kid is nineteen, people. It's time to let go! Nick points out that Danny is old enough to know how to survive in the woods for a couple of days. He concedes that maybe Danny should have asked them first, but that he thinks it's healthy, especially in light of Danny's suicide attempt. Angie sighs, still unsure. Nick says that eventually Danny is going to want to lead a normal life. Angie: "He's never gonna have a normal life. None of us will." Well not with that attitude.
Bree is on the phone with the florist complaining about all of the extra flower arrangements. Apparently she wants to load them off even though the mistake was hers. The door opens and a sharply dressed young man enters. Bree threatens to stop doing business with the florist and hangs up. Okay, and Bree is officially in the running for ugliest wardrobe of the episode. What the hell is she wearing now? It's brown. And it has another hideous rosette on it. And it's high necked and old lady-ish and just completely unappealing. Ugh. Bree asks the new guy what she can do for him. "Actually, the question is what can I do for you?" I hate this guy already.
Bree is obviously confused, having no idea who this bozo is. He finally introduces himself as Sam Allen and basically explains that he's a Bree stalker. He's read all of her interviews, been to her parties, has her cookbook...probably some Bree pictures up on the wall. Maybe he's even photoshopped himself into a few. The point is that he wants to work for her. Of course he does.
Bree tries to dismiss Sam without much discussion of this, but Sam launches into an oral recitation of his resume: he worked as a sous chef to put himself through business school. Plus he doesn't want to be paid well. Now I know he's crazy. He mentions that he respects Bree's traditional values and he wants to learn her way of life. Is he starting a Bree cult? Bree says she's fully staffed and she wouldn't know what to do with Sam. Sam seems to accept this and starts to leave, but gives Bree this parting advice: she can donate the extra flower arrangements to a hospital and write it off as charity. This, finally, gets Bree's attention.
There is a knock on Karen's door and Roy goes to answer it. Predictably, but unfortunately, it's Susan. She wants to talk to Karen about a bouquet she found in some magazine that she thinks would be perfect for the upcoming nuptials. Okay, seriously, why is Susan so invested in this wedding? Is the fact that she's settled down again turned her into a crazy matchmaking fiend? I want to smack her. Roy tells Susan that Karen's in the can and then gets snippy with her. He's upset because he and Karen "had a good thing going" and then Susan had to ruin it by opening her big mouth. He clearly hasn't known Susan long or he'd realize that's par for the course. Roy thinks that if he and Karen get married they'll fall apart because they're like salt. Susan doesn't get this analogy.
Roy comes outside and closes the door. He explains that he never cared about salt until his doctor told him he couldn't have it any more. The analogy clicks for Susan and she realizes that Roy means that if he marries Karen he's going to want to boink other women. Too bad the analogy isn't enough; Roy has to give an example. Turns out there's a blue haired chick who goes to Roy's stretching class. He never paid attention to her until he got engaged; now he wants her to ride his disco stick. "You're eighty years old, Roy. Infidelity is dangerous!" argues Susan. I'm confused by what either of those things have to do with one another. Is Susan just blathering random facts now? Heh. That would be funny.
Roy says he's still a randy teenage boy inside. Maybe he should hang out with Parker. They could try to score women together. Susan tells him that he's not allowed to kiss other women; she demands that he think of Karen whenever he wants to make out with some other babe. Apparently Roy is turned on by Susan's particular brand of crazy because he responds by grabbing her shoulders and pulling her in for a kiss. "Yeah, that's the stuff!" he says before going back inside. Susan is stunned.
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That night in the Delfinos' kitchen, Mike laughs hysterically. Apparently Susan has just relayed the kissing incident and he finds it much funnier than I do. "How is your wife being molested funny?" she asks. Mike: "It was just a kiss. From an eighty-year-old man." Since Susan doesn't see the humor, Mike jokingly asks if she wants him to beat Roy up. Sensing that Mike isn't going to see things from her point of view, Susan wants Mike to consider poor Karen, who Roy is determined to betray. Mike says it's Susan's fault that Roy feels trapped; Susan concedes that point and decides to call Karen and warn her. Now annoyed, Mike snatches the phone away from her and tells her that she's meddled enough. Susan disagrees. Mike: "Susan, he's having second thoughts. Come on. There's not a married man on earth that didn't have second thoughts before he got married." Dun dun dun! And the foot-in-mouth award in this episode goes to Mike! "Oh really?" asks Susan, teeth practically bared. Mike begins to laugh again, nervously this time, and quickly exits with a sandwich in hand.
Outside of Bob and Lee's, three men in a red convertible are dropping off Gaby and the guys. Gaby is all dolled up and laughing; she promises to remember Facebook the guys and wishes one of them good luck on his pec implants. Ew.
Once they're inside, Lee offers Gaby a nightcap which she enthusiastically accepts. She also makes another comment about how much she's missed the "gay" lifestyle. I don't know why, but this Gaby plot is really grating on my nerves this week. In an episode where I'd argue that bad mothering is the theme (not seduction), she's really the only mother grating on my nerves. Maybe because so much of this season has already been about Gaby's bad mothering? Maybe because Gaby really, really doesn't have that bad of a life and I'm sick of her whining about it? I'd argue that the worst Gaby has been through was her season two ongoing baby drama and then Carlos going blind and no longer being rich. And yeah, that's pretty sucky, but compared to what Bree and Lynette have been through...not so much. So I'm not exactly loving Gaby as of late which makes me kind of sad.
Regardless, this episode is still going. Bob says that he and Lee will throw a party for Gaby so she can truly celebrate being responsibility-free. Gaby is incredibly excited and asks them to invite the guys they went out with earlier. "Except Fernando," she adds. "He's prettier than me."
Bob presses play on the answering machine and lo and behold it's Carlos calling to let Gaby know the girls are no longer contagious. Gaby's face falls even as Lee sincerely says that it's good news (and how often is Lee sincere? Seriously, I kind of waited for Kevin Rahm to make the line sarcastic and then I realized he wasn't joking). Gaby disagrees with Lee's assessment. In fact, she goes a little crazy, ranting on and on about tasting freedom and not wanting to give it up. She even grabs Lee by his shirt and shakes him a little. "Well what are you going to tell Carlos?" asks Bob, unconcerned that Gaby is attacking his husband.
Cut to Carlos talking on the phone while lying in bed. "Oh no, a stomach virus," he says, sounding only mildly concerned. Wow, that's like a bad excuse I use to get out of my Tuesday night class when the thought of going is just unbearable. Now I know Gaby's desperate. She claims she's throwing up, but back at Bob and Lee's all she's doing is mixing a drink. She tells Carlos that the doctor said she only has a 24-hour bug, so she should be home soon. "Hangover," Lee subtly reminds Gaby. Gaby: "Or a 36-hour thing. Gotta go. Bye." She hangs up and gets to work drinking. "I said I was throwing up. Don't wanna be a liar."
The next day, Bree finally looks amazing. Thank God. She's getting bags out of the trunk of her car while arguing with Andrew. Since he's in charge, he's upset that he wasn't consulted about her hiring Sam. "I hired Sam to help you," says Bree; Andrew says he doesn't need Sam's help.
As they walk inside the catering kitchen, Bree says that she doesn't think Andrew has things under control and that she won't let her business fall apart. What the hell has happened to Andrew in the last year that he suddenly can't do this job? I know that Shawn Pyfrom is no longer a regular, but some kind of lead-in to this would have been nice, DH writers. Andrew indicates to Bree that they're not alone and she turns around to find Sam sitting at a computer. "Sam, I thought you'd gone home," she says, clearly embarrassed that he overheard the fight. Sam says he stayed late to finish their inventory. By himself? On his first day? Okay, now that is really, really weird. Inventory is a giant pain in the ass. Trust me, I know.
Bree, however, is impressed.
"I also wanted to talk about Tad," mentions Sam. Immediately Andrew gets defensive, especially when Sam says that every task he's given Tad has gone poorly. Uh, he's been there a day. Who the hell is he to pass judgment on the other employees? Sam wants Tad fired; Andrew automatically says no. "Andrew, you have to admit he's more than a little incompetent," says Bree. "Give him a chance," Andrew says emotionally, "he's just a kid."
"You're having an affair with him, aren't you?" asks Sam. Bree balks at the suggestion, but Sam points out that Andrew isn't denying it. When Bree notices that this is true, she asks Andrew directly if he's had sex with Tad. "Just once," says Andrew. Bree grabs his arm and drags him away from Sam (as though that will keep him from hearing), as Andrew explains, "He came on to me. It was late and I'd been drinking." Unsurprisingly, Bree is disappointed in Andrew for cheating on Alex. I'm surprised they remember Alex. "And you're married to Orson!" snaps Andrew. "Yeah, I know about Karl Mayer. Hello, pot, I'm kettle. Nice to meet you." Now I have to say that on my initial viewing, I commented that Andrew really is his father's son, completely forgetting about Bree's affair until Andrew's line about Karl. I don't know if that's pathetic on my part or just further proof of how forgettable that storyline ended up being.
"I cannot believe you would bring this up in front of a stranger!" hisses Bree. Oh, but she was totally cool with discussing his infidelity. Andrew agrees with me: "Yeah, you know me. Hypocrisy just makes me forget my manners." Finally, Sam speaks up about leaving. Too little, too late, oh sinister one. Bree says he should, but that he needs to be back bright and early the next day to help her fire Tad. Andrew tells Bree that she can't. "Yes, I can," she says firmly. "I can fire anyone I want." And that was definitely a threat. There's that high standard of mothering again. Andrew shakes his head and then glares at Sam. I hope Andrew takes him down. I would totally be cool with the resurgence of evil Andrew if it means destroying this bastard. Go Andrew, go!
Commercials.
Katherine finishes relaying her dream about Robin to her therapist. "What do you think that means?" she asks. The therapist thinks that it's straightforward, but Katherine says she's not a lesbian. In fact, she goes on to suggest that the dream is really about how she's starting to think that women are the only safe option left after so many bad relationships with men. She has had the worst string of guys on this show. Except for Nathan Fillion. I miss him so.
"Why are you even thinking about relationships at all with men or women?" asks the therapist. "You're still fragile." Katherine sighs. He goes on to say that once she's stronger, they can talk about who she's attracted to. "But I'm not attracted to her!" Katherine insists. She doesn't believe that women her age just wake up one day with an entirely new sexual identity. Regardless of any of this, the therapist thinks that Robin is hurting Katherine's recovery and that Katherine should consider asking her to move out. Katherine looks disappointed.
At the grocery store, Angie and Nick are shopping. Nick is STILL wearing clothes that are too small. In fact, they might been the same clothes he was wearing earlier in the episode (which was like three days ago in their time!). I really hope that they have the husbands on this show do commentary on the season six DVDs because they were awesome about ripping on the wardrobes when they commented in season five. I'd love to hear what they have to say about this. While Angie examines the tuna, Nick wanders off to find some beer. At that moment, Angie spots Danny's friend Eddie standing in line at the check out. Of course she heads over to talk to him; he tries and fails to run away.
Eddie greets Angie nervously but she gives him no pleasantries in return, simply demanding to know where Danny is. Eddie fumbles awkwardly and the best excuse he can give is that Danny went by himself. He's a horrible liar and Angie knows it. "Spill it!" she demands. Before Eddie can, Nick walks up; he is much less concerned about Eddie's appearance at the grocery store. Angie won't let Nick interrupt, so Eddie confesses that Danny went to New York to find Ana. Angie and Nick share a concerned look and then Angie drags Nick away from Eddie.
"Hey, hey, don't freak out," advises Nick. When isn't Angie freaking out? "What if he goes to the old neighborhood?" asks Angie. Nick says that Patrick won't find Danny, but Angie reminds him that Patrick found them "the last time." "Come on. I gotta go pack." They leave. Is it too much to hope that Patrick kills all of the Bolens and Ana?
Bree sits at her desk looking reflectively at a World's Greatest Son mug. Did she buy that for Andrew or did he get it himself a la Michael Scott? Sam enters, interrupting her musings. They make small talk and then while Sam makes coffee, Bree tries to explain away her fight with Andrew. "Driven, successful people like you have complicated lives," says Sam. "But specifics are none of my business." Bree sighs. "My relationship with Andrew is, to say the least, complicated." Aw, but Bree, you two were getting along so well! Don't give up on him again!
Sam gets smarmy and says that children in a family business often feel a sense of entitlement. He lays out Bree's options: keep coddling Andrew and hope that he'll change or cut the apron strings and trust that everything she's taught him will pay off. Bree doesn't give him an answer, but just the fact that she's considering firing Andrew is crazy. Sam certainly worked his evil mojo quickly. He tells Bree to go back to the house and get some sleep; he has everything under control. Bree leaves and Sam ominously picks up Andrew's mug for his coffee. Yeah. Andrew definitely better take him down.
A school bus drops off a bunch of neighborhood kids and Lynette is there waiting for Penny. When she doesn't get off of the bus, Lynette knocks on the closed door and asks the bus driver where Penny is. He says that Penny wasn't on the bus; he assumed she went home early from school. Just as Lynette starts to panic, a girl comes up behind her and hands her a note from Penny. "She's running away," the girl explains. Well then, was the note even necessary? I guess it was considerate of Penny to send it.
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Shortly thereafter, Lynette and Tom meet with a detective about Penny running away. Tom sure has been leaving work early a lot lately. I guess he's lucked out with Carlos' guilty conscience. The detective asks them if there were any problems at home and Lynette says no. Tom looks at her in surprise and Lynette concedes, "Well we did kind of forget her birthday." The detective looks at them, disgusted, and it seems to guilt Tom into adding, "And she put the wrong name on her birthday cake." Lynette: "Honey, can we please stick to the facts that pertain to the case?"
The detective wants to know how Lynette could get her daughter's name wrong. "Are you people involved in narcotics?" she asks. Lynette strenuously denies this, offering her pregnant brain as an excuse. "Surely you can understand that," she says. "I'm not pregnant," says the detective. And really, she doesn't even look pregnant, just slightly overweight, so I'm almost considering taking away Mike's foot-in-mouth award and giving it to my girl Lynette here instead. "You're not going to look for our daughter, are you?" realizes Lynette. Before the detective answers, her phone rings. Lynette sits back dejectedly and takes Tom's hand. A minute later, the detective gets off the phone and explains that Penny is fine; she used one of their credit cards to check into a hotel. The Scavos are relieved.
Cut to the hotel room, which Lynette opens the door to without knocking. Penny sits on the bed in her school uniform working on her homework. For a second, Lynette looks like she's just going to waltz in, but then she hovers at the door and asks Penny if she can come in. Penny nods slightly and Lynette steps into the room and shuts the door. "Wow, marble bath, flat screen, eight dollar can of peanuts...nice!" She laughs nervously, but Penny doesn't respond, so Lynette drops the pretense. "Sweetie, I am so sorry about the cake," she says. "And about forgetting your birthday. I know you hate me right now and I don't blame you." Finally, Penny looks up from her homework and responds. "I don't hate you. I hate that." She points to Lynette's stomach. Realization finally dawns: "Oh. Because you're not gonna be the baby anymore."
Lynette sits down on the bed and pulls Penny's homework away from her. She tells Penny that she's missing the big picture: with Preston gone and Porter poised to move out, the women of the Scavo house will be in the majority once the baby comes. "Do you know what that means?" she asks. "Women get veto power over what TV shows to watch, what take-out to get. And just think: think of a world where the toilet seat is never up! This is our time to take them down!" Lynette tackles Penny and starts to tickle her; Penny erupts in giggles. After a moment, both girls settle down. Lynette strokes Penny's arm and cheek and it's the most legitimate mother-like moment in an episode (arguably) all about mothering. Have I mentioned how much I love Felicity Huffman? Penny apologizes for running away and says they can go home. Lynette has a better idea: they should order hot fudge sundaes and spend the night. Penny readily agrees, so Lynette rolls over to grab the phone. "You know, Mom," says Penny, "if you have two more girls we'll take the lead." Lynette looks over, horrified; "Let's just order our sundaes." So congrats to Kendall Applegate on her first real plot on this show! It's nice to see them finally flesh out the character of Penny a little.
Well it's probably a good night to spend in a hotel because over at Bob and Lee's a party is in full swing. Gaby is entertaining the crowd with a story about how a sheik offered her a million dollars to sleep with him and when she slapped him she got twenty grand. How great to be Gabrielle. Suddenly Bob breaks through the crowd to give Gaby the phone; it's Juanita. Gaby excuses herself to talk to her daughter, but she can barely hear Juanita over the noise so she goes to find a quieter place to talk.
Upstairs, Gaby enters a room, ignoring the wet paint sign on the door, and is surprised to find herself in what appears to be a nursery. And man oh man can Bob and Lee decorate. It's just about the cutest nursery ever with brightly colored walls, stuffed animals and cool artwork. Gaby is clearly thrown off and when Bob walks in she tells Juanita that she'll call her back. Confirming Gaby's notion that they're in a nursery, Bob explains that he and Lee are trying to adopt a baby. "It's something we've wanted for years," he says. Ever tactful, Gaby asks why they'd want to do that when they have such a great life.
Bob goes on to tell a very sad story. He tells Gaby that last month they got a call about adopting a baby girl in Ohio and they flew out. After holding the little girl in their arms for two days, they went out to buy a car seat to take her home. While they were gone the mother changed her mind. Now this is a perfect set-up; I love that they brought Gaby in for this explanation. It works so much better than it would have with any other character. "I know how that feels," says Gaby quietly and I am so incredibly grateful that the writers managed to remember baby Lily. I also love that they didn't launch into a big explanation to enlighten more casual viewers. No. This is just for loyal fans and it works fantastically. "You may envy our life, Gaby," says Bob with tears in his eyes, "but it's nothing compared to how we envy yours."
A few minutes later, Gaby comes downstairs with her suitcases in hand. Lee rushes up to her and asks where she's going. "Juanita scored her first goal in soccer and she wants to tell me all about it," says Gaby as an explanation. Lee nods, understanding. Gaby give him a huge hug and they both get a little weepy. Then Gaby finally goes home.
Commercials.
Susan walks into Karen's house and starts babbling about the wedding, but before she gets to any kind of point she notices that Karen is crying. She asks what's wrong and Karen says that the doctor found a spot on her lung. He thinks she might have lung cancer. Is it too early to be optimistic that since Kathryn Joosten just beat lung cancer in real life that Karen will beat it too? Susan takes Karen's hand.
So remember how I just mentioned how apt it was that Gaby was the one Bob told about the baby? I'd like to point out just how much more effective and poignant this scene would be if Lynette was there instead of Susan. I'll be really frank here: I love Lynette and Karen together. As I said before, they are similar characters and I always thought they had a bit of a mother-daughter vibe going in addition to their friendship. I feel like in the past two seasons the writers have really abandoned that; I'm not sure why they would, but their interactions have certainly been lacking. And this would have been a perfect time to have a scene between the two of them. I feel like it was an opportunity squandered and if the writers don't provide me something to make up for it soon I'm just going to have to write a fanfic and do it myself.
Susan comes back outside and runs into Roy, who is rocking two different plaid shirts. This episode really had some bold fashion statements. Roy can tell by Susan's face that Karen told her the news. He's optimistic though; "Cancer picked a fight with the wrong broad," he tells Susan. So true. You know who cancer could totally whip, though? Susan. Yeah, I said it. And I really don't feel bad because the next thing Susan says it that maybe it's not a good time for Roy and Karen to get married. God, Susan, do you EVER shut up?
"We're getting married as soon as we can," says Roy. The diagnosis made him realize that losing his freedom is nothing compared to the possibility of losing Karen. Susan gets all sentimental and puts her hands on Roy's face. He tells her to watch it; "One kiss is all you get."
Katherine drinks wine in her living room. Robin comes in and announces excitedly that she got a job as a hostess so now she can help out with the bills. She even brought home a bottle of champagne to celebrate. As she opens it, the champagne bubbles over and spills all over the blouse Robin borrowed from Katherine for the interview. Immediately Robin begins to take off the blouse so she can wash it out and Katherine gets frantic. She tries to keep Robin from removing the shirt, but Robin has it off before Katherine can say "dry cleaners." Bothered by Robin's half-nakedness, Katherine blurts out that Robin has to leave. Hurt and confused, Robin wants to know why, but the best Katherine can give her is that it's complicated.
Robin apologizes if she did something wrong and heads upstairs to pack. Feeling guilty, Katherine admits that the problem is how much she likes Robin. She even says that she has feelings for Robin that she doesn't understand. They're both crying at this point. Robin says she's had feelings for Katherine too and agrees that it would be better if she did leave. She goes upstairs.
As Katherine contemplates her lonely living space, she realizes how empty the house will be without Robin. She heads upstairs and enters Robin's room. Robin smiles and Mary Alice silkily says, "Seduction is an art. Subtle methods of coercion are used to sway the susceptible." Outside Bob and Lee have a whole group of gay men out on their porch; they eagerly wave Gaby to come over, but she refuses. "And those who are determined will take their time to get what they want." In the office, Sam hands Bree a file and smirks evilly. "And when the seduction is successful, those who succumbed ask themselves, 'Was I seduced or was this what I wanted all along?'" Katherine and Robin are naked in bed together; Katherine looks perturbed.
And thus wraps up another episode. I give it a B-. I think it was mostly laying groundwork for storylines to come (Andrew/Bree/Sam and Angie in New York, primarily, but also Karen's cancer and Bob and Lee trying to adopt). The filler plots for the other characters had their moments, but nothing truly stellar (although that Lynette/Penny scene will become a favorite of mine). All-in-all I'd say it was pretty good. Now if only I didn't have to wait two weeks for the next one...
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